The Help
by Sydd
Summary: Alex has been on autopilot ever since Sabina's death. Sent to Brecon Beacons after being declared a possible suicide risk, the soldiers are none too happy. They still think he's a joke, until he attempts once again. They see the scars, and realise that it's not funny anymore.
1. Midnight Thoughts

**Hey guys! So, I'm back with a new story. Yes, I know I should be working on The TomandKunit Chronicles, but this just popped into my mind. Enjoy!**

**After Scorpia Rising.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything except the plot.**

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><p><strong>Chapter One<strong>

Mrs. Jones looked out of the window of her office, absent-mindedly fingering a piece of peppermint in one hand and holding an elegant wine glass with the other. It was a beautiful night: stars were twinkling in the dark velvet sky, with the moon peeking out of a tall office building down the road. The streetlamps that dotted the road in two, orderly rows were bathing everywhere with an earthly glow, while late-night weekend shoppers littered the streets, waving to each other and laughing. She watched everything like a silent movie, the thick glass reflecting any noise so that she could work in peace. She needed the peace more than ever now, for she had to deal with a very problematic and headache-inducing challenge.

Rider.

Even the mere word brought on a wave of discomfort in her gut. After the Pleasures were assassinated, he cracked. Having attempted to end his life countless times, he had to have at least two agents guard him every night. He could never be left alone; every single thing could be used as a weapon of self-harm. It was too painful to look into those dead eyes, to hear his flat voice, to see his dead feet being dragged ever so slowly along the ground. Honestly, he looked and sounded, in every aspect, like a zombie. It wasn't because his attire was messy- in fact, he still managed to look well-groomed somehow- but it was his expression and actions. It scared her. She had never seen anyone so willing to end their life and to join their loved ones, even if it meant never walking on the face of the earth again. The Boys' Home had rejected him- he was too much for them- and he refused to let his best friend's parents take him in, or see anyone. He was tutored privately. That was the strange thing- he was so eager to die, yet he kept up his exercise and excelled in his studies. It was like his head was tampered with, messed up. She had suspected psychological torture during Alex's time with Scorpia, but dismissed the thought afterwards. After all, Alex had only turned suicidal when the Pleasures died.

Mrs. Jones set her wine glass on the table. She had meant it to be a relaxing night, having pushed all her paperwork to the other side of the room, blocking the door; but it seemed Rider always strayed to her mind, every minute of the day. She never wanted this; it was all Blunt's fault. She was glad he was gone, but then again, she never wanted anything to do with Rider again unless he healed and regained his will to live. It was disgusting, how the innocent teenager had been placed in danger time and again, with the survival of millions resting on his shoulders every time. He had done so much for the country-no, the world- and what did he get? All his loved ones were killed by the very ones he went up against, and resorting to self-harm to get away from it all. MI6 had shown once again that they were incompetent of protecting innocent people, and she was sure that Alex would never forgive them.

There were only two choices for Alex right now: send him to a well-protected place surrounded by professionals with enough ability to coach, counsel and instill discipline in him, or just allow him to die. It was a tough choice. Dying was definitely easier, but she knew that he deserved more than death for what he had been through. And so, with this last thought in mind, she called up the Sergeant of the SAS training camp at Brecon Beacons. She could only hope that it worked on Alex. She knew that she was taking a huge gamble, but what more could she do? They had run out of options.

She grimaced, and steadied herself for the call. It was not going to be a pleasant one.

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><p><strong>So, that's it for the first chapter! I hope you will review and tell me if it's good. I'm sorry it's so short; I'm trying to see if it's well-received or just a total flop.<strong>

**Thank you!**

**-Syd**


	2. Infirmary?

**Hello! I'm terribly sorry about not posting for a long time! I've had all the exams and revisions and projects and homework and all that other things. I'm quite sure this chapter is not that up to standard this time...**

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><p><strong>Chapter Two<strong>

_And so, with this last thought in mind, she called up the Sergeant of the SAS training camp at Brecon Beacons. She could only hope that it worked on Alex. She knew that she was taking a huge gamble, but what more could she do? They had run out of options._

_She grimaced, and steadied herself for the call. It was not going to be a pleasant one._

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><p>Ever since he was born, the Sergeant had never fainted before. Not when they were forced to run two kilometres in primary school. Not when they had to run three in secondary school. Not when he was training in the military. Not even when he was in the SAS, training from dawn till dusk and more. Never.<p>

He figured that if he would ever faint, it would be because of old age and exercise mixed in with cocky recruits pulling a stupid, costly prank on his superiors.

He never thought it would be because of a teenager.

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><p><em>"Sergeant Baxter."<em>

_"Mrs Jones?" he asked, surprised. The superiors never called him personally. Unless... He suddenly had a bad feeling about this call. His brain was screaming at him to pretend to disconnect, but surely Mrs Jones would know whether it was accidental or intentional; and besides, he knew it was rude to do so. He, unlike the superiors, was a very polite man, unless it came to the men under his charge...but that was a different story._

_"How are you doing?" she asked calmly with a slight tone of ice. Warning bells rang in his head. When the superiors asked after you, it could only mean three things: they wanted something from you; they were imposters or they were somehow hypnotised or brainwashed. He desperately hoped it was not the former. He had enough things on his hands. And the last time MI6 asked after him, he was dumped with a teenager (a _teenager_ god damn it) for unknown reasons. He really did not want anything remotely related to that, but it seemed that luck was not on his side this time._

_"Have you ever wondered what happened to Alex Rider? Or you might be more familiar with the name Cub..." _

_The more she elaborated, the more his eyes grew bigger. This could not be happening. No... _

_The last word he heard before fainting rather humiliatingly was, of course_, Cub.

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><p>And now, here he was, reflecting on all this while laying on the bed of the infirmary. Word had gotten out that the 'oh-so-mighty sergeant had fainted flat onto the floor of the hut.' He groaned and buried his head in his. The recruits would never take him seriously again. He could already hear conspiracy theories and jokes made about the whole affair outside from the nurses and doctors. He daren't think about the things the <em>soldiers<em> were coming up with. No... He had to come up with an excuse for his fainting. And he had to get back at-no, to- Mrs Jones. He winced at the thought of fainting during that conversation and probably causing MI6 to investigate. What if Mrs Jones had mistook that for an assassination attempt and mobilised spies to sneak into the compound to check it out? What if they had found out the truth and were laughing about it now? He could never live this down.

Why? Because of Cub of course! He ground his teeth. It was all Cub's fault. Why, for the love of all things normal and sane, would the head of MI6 want Cub back at Beacons? He had already established the fact, during the first time, that he strongly discouraged them from sending a teenager, a totally inexperienced minor, to the camp; _his_ camp (full of highly-trained, well-respected, and fierce soldiers no less). He wouldn't survive there like the last time- a new batch of recruits were here, and had no idea that a minor had actually set foot, ate, slept and trained at the very place they were now. It was a no-brainer at how they would react to seeing Cub. The recruits then-now properly-trained soldiers-had complained about it, but were more mature than those hair-brained idiots outside now. They knew that it was an undefiable order from the higher-ups, and kept from prying. He couldn't and wouldn't say the same for the current recruits. He grimaced as he heard the soft thumps of footsteps, getting louder and louder as the visitor approached.

"Come on in," he said very uncharacteristically, even before the visitor could knock. A nurse slipped in rather nervously. "Sir... There's someone on the phone for you." He knew who it was. He sighed. "Bring me the phone."

The nurse went out and found a cordless phone. He placed it to his ear.

"Sergeant; I believe that you have recovered from your little...accident. Shall we get moving on and discuss details?" a very familiar voice on the other end asked. Ah, typically her. So straightforward and...blunt. Just like her predecessor. He could detect mockery in her words, and scowled. So she was informed.

"Yes, ma'am," he sighed. This was going to be a long phone call. For the first time in his life, he wished he had fainted again.

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><p>Alex was packing his bag under the heavy scrutiny of two agents. One of them was a scrawny-looking guy with a mouse-like face and a mustache. His hair was slicked back and he was wearing a t-shirt and jeans with a motorcycle jacket- bullet proof, of course. Perfectly disguised to look like a bad-boy older brother. He even had highlights in his hair.<p>

The other one was a well-groomed older man wearing a freshly-ironed business suit. He was a handsome blonde; hair neatly combed back, a big fat watch hugging his wrist, and smelled of cologne. A lot of it.

Alex looked well-groomed all right, but none of his attire and grooming- from his neat yet modern hairstyle to his clean socks- helped to improve his image. He looked like the walking dead. His skin was pale, and a little too skinny; his movements slow and reluctant. The worst was his eyes- the dead eyes. They stared and drilled holes into everyone he saw, and looked like eyes that belonged more to a dead fish than any human. It freaked everyone out, and right now, the two agents were very uncomfortable. They were supposed to escort him to the Royal and General, their headquarters, but it seemed that Alex was taking forever, and none of them wanted to remind him; for that meant talking to him. To that _thing_ with dead eyes. They did not want to. If they did, Alex would slowly swivel his head around to look at them, and those dreaded eyes would pierce their own. No, it was too scary to look at those orbs. The only thing they could do now was to pray that Alex hurried up. They could not be late. The boss was waiting for them, after all.

"Ready?" the older man asked. Alex nodded curtly and walked out the door, past the agents and down the stairs. The two agents followed him down, only to see him lingering at the door. Alex was looking around, as if desperately trying to soak in as much of the house into his mind. They felt sorry for the boy; but it wasn't their business, it wasn't their job. The younger agent hurried Alex out of the house, and received a stony glare in return. He shivered and immediately climbed into the car. The older agent made sure Alex was in the car and buckled up before loading Alex's bags into the trunk and getting into the driver's seat himself.

Throughout the ride, Alex was staring holes into the back of the younger agent's seat. His poor victim could practically _feel _his eyes on him. He felt very uncomfortable, and made it a point to never come near the boy again. The older agent was secretly shooting furtive looks into the side and front mirrors, trying to take a peek at Alex, but he caught him every time.

This was going to be a long drive.

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><p><strong>And, that's it. Yup, a short one. I'm sorry. Well, I'm definitely not happy with the opening, but please review and tell me what you think! Thank you!<strong>

**-Syd**


	3. Recollections

**Hey guys,**

**You have no idea how sorry I feel for not posting for almost half a year. You know the excuses: examinations, homework, projects...the whole plethora that comes crashing down on you since the start of the year. So I'm apologising to all my readers who have waited long enough. **

**I'm really grateful that my stories are still being read even now. I've received several story alerts in this month alone, and I must say, I'm really touched that people still read this story. Thank you all!**

**I'm afraid that this chapter is quite short, and I'm really starting to drag things, but I promise, the next chapter will have the SAS. It's guaranteed.**

**Alright, before I start rambling, let's get on with the story!**

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><p><strong>Chapter Three<strong>

_Throughout the ride, Alex was staring holes into the back of the younger agent's seat. His poor victim could practically feel his eyes on him. He felt very uncomfortable, and made it a point to never come near the boy again. The older agent was secretly shooting furtive looks into the side and front mirrors, trying to take a peek at Alex, but he caught him every time._

_This was going to be a long drive._

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><p><em>"Alex," Mrs Jones greeted.<em>

_"Jones." Mrs Jones inwardly flinched at the curt reply. A little part of her was begging him to show emotion- any emotion was fine; as long as it gave a remote indication that Alex's soul was alive. Yet, she was left disappointed again. She steeled herself to break the news- not gently; she had a reputation to keep- but with firm resolve, and hopefully Alex would go along with his plan. She sighed. Of course he would. He was broken, wasn't he? She could bend him any way she liked, and he wouldn't protest. He didn't care anymore._

_She informed him of her plan, and he nodded his head just like every other time. You want some tea? Nod. Biscuits? Nod. How are your studies coming along? Nod. Do you wish to die? Nod. _

_Frustratingly, the nods were all the same. A short, sharp and curt movement of the head; going down and returning to its original position- staring straight ahead like a robot. There was no variation, no life, no fiery passion and determination that he once had. The worst of all was this: there was no resistance. She should have been __delighted__, but all she could feel now was guilt. That cursed voice at the back of her mind kept telling her: _See those eyes? _You _made them cold. See that composure? _You _trained that. See that soul? _You _killed it...

_As she was having this internal crisis (berating herself), Alex was watching her calmly. His hands were on his lap, and his back was straight. He seemed almost lazy, but a certain aura of wariness surrounded him, as if he expected an attack. His dead eyes stared straight ahead, looking but not seeing. _

_"Unless you're done staring at the table, I'll wait for you outside."_

_Mrs Jones looked embarrassed, but she really was just relieved that Alex still could exhibit a certain level of wit. At least he hadn't lost __everything__. _

_"Let's move on to what I was going to tell you today, shall we?" Mrs Jones asked, ignoring Alex's previous comment. She then proceeded to brief him on certain things, unnecessary, of course, but Alex found himself listening attentively. He laughed bitterly to himself. Spies._

_"What did you tell the Sergeant?"_

_Mrs Jones blinked, surprised. "Why do you want to know?"_

_Alex shrugged. "I don't need more strangers prying into my life."_

_Mrs Jones sighed. "Only that you were coming. The rest were classified."_

_"Classified. Well of course they were."_

_"Listen, Alex-"_

_"Are you done?" he cut in smoothly. Never be sharp. That proves that you still have emotion inside you; and for the record, you don't._

_Mrs Jones sighed again- she seemed to be doing a lot of that lately. "Yes, Alex, I'm done."_

_Before, Alex would make a joke about her reply, but all Mrs Jones got was another curt nod and a closed door. _

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><p>Alex opened his eyes after that little flashback of what happened in Mrs Jones' office a couple of days ago. He considered his situation, reclining against the soft cushions of the MI6-issued vehicle. He was going to be sent to Brecon Beacons, apparently to 'train', but he knew better. He wasn't stupid- he knew that Mrs Jones thought that he would not dare to try to end his life in a secure military facility, surrounded by highly-trained men capable of reviving him if he attempted once more. He shook his head at Mrs Jones' stupidity. He was stubborn- that was one of his traits. He would definitely attempt to- but not immediately. He was returning to Beacons, why not create a suitable reason for his suicide? After he killed himself, they would question why. He knew Mrs Jones' wouldn't tell them the <em>real <em>reason; MI6 would get in a whole lot of trouble. He could cause some mayhem, and maybe get them to bully him for a while. Anything to die. It seemed like a suitable reason. They would immediately assume that he killed himself because he could not stand the chewing out by the Sergeant, coupled with the other abuse that he would have received. They would view him as a weakling and leave it as that, and they would never know the truth. Foolproof.

He also thought about K-unit. Would they be there? After all, it has been two years. Were they regulars there? He wasn't entirely sure how everything in the SAS worked- he regretted not asking Mrs Jones about it- but there _was _a possibility that they could be there. Then came the inevitable question: would he be placed in their unit again? If he did, he was probably going to receive the same amount of bullying he got the last time he was there. Surely Wolf wouldn't let him off easy, even if he had saved his life at Point Blanc. Then there was Snake and Eagle. How much did Wolf tell them about Point Blanc? Wolf would have signed the OSA. This was MI6 he was dealing with; if he was so concerned about not getting binned when Alex was there, then he surely would have that same worry if he divulged. No, Wolf would not tell a soul.

Alex mused over this for a while, but stopped when he saw the headquarters loom over the car. The non-descript, black pulled into the driveway. Alex still found the colour choice amusing. Couldn't they have chosen different colours? Surely they watched all the spy movies for fun. Oh right, MI6 didn't _do _fun.

Alex left his bags in the car and climbed out elegantly. He walked calmly into the reception area, nodding at one of the receptionists. She glanced at him, and nodded back, a little cautious. She was aware of him- there were rumours, and apparently they were true. Her last thought about him was how unnerving his eyes were, but another agent showed up and her attention was on her job again.

Alex showed himself into Mrs Jones office. Her head snapped up when she noticed a shadow, but relaxed when she saw it was him. Alex restrained himself from chiding her about her flippant response to him coming in. If it were up to him, he would have demanded a check every now and then to make sure it was him. After all, with cloning already proved possible, you could never be too careful.

"Are you ready to go, Alex?"

"Call me Rider. Alex is too informal."

"You're a teenager, after all. I should be using your first name."

"If I am a teenager, why am I here?"

Mrs Jones looked away. _Because you gave up._

"I should be leaving for Beacons now," Alex said, interrupting her thoughts. Mrs Jones nodded wordlessly. And with that, Alex left, leaving a silent, guilty woman to grieve for Alex' s lost soul.

_Please, don't try to hurt yourself this time._

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><p><strong>Yup, so that's about it for now. I know Mrs Jones quite motherly in this chapter, but considering that she has been a mother before, and she's suffering a guilt trip now, I hope I'm not stretching too far. I probably don't have the characters down pat yet, but I haven't exactly read Alex Rider for a long time. Don't worry, I won't lose my love for AR yet, but I have recently discovered Teen Titans. Do any of you like the show? I might be starting on a TT fic soon, but my AR fics will definitely be my priority now. I'm probably updating The Tom-and-K-unit Chronicles, but I've got to try and fit the time around my alarmingly-tight schedule. <strong>

**See you guys soon!**

**Love,**

**Syd**


	4. Cabin Conversations

Chapter Four

**Hey guys! I finally finished Chapter Four! And yes, it's not going to be half a year before the next update again. After Chapter Three, I had already started thinking about Chapter Four. There **_**were **_**a couple of projects that needed to be completed before I could actually start on it, but here's the chapter you guys wanted. And true to my promise, there's our ever loving Sergeant, and everyone's beloved K-unit. **

**Also, I would like to say thank you to all my reviewers. Thanks for the support! I would also like to say a big thank you to my lovely reviewer, ****anon****, for kindly pointing out to me a mistake that I had made in writing chapter three. I suppose I can attribute my characterisation mistake to the fact that I haven't really touched this story in half a year. Hopefully, I've reverted back to the Alex that is appropriate for this story (meaning suicidal Alex). **

**I hope you guys enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Alex Rider.**

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><p><strong>Chapter Four<strong>

_"I should be leaving for Beacons now," Alex said, interrupting her thoughts. Mrs Jones nodded wordlessly. And with that, Alex left, leaving a silent, guilty woman to grieve for Alex' s lost soul._

_Please, don't try to hurt yourself this time._

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><p>The driver was a retired agent, probably about forty years old. He still looked quite young, and was thus chosen for this job. He knew that he could have his pick of jobs around the world- he still maintained his intellect and physical fitness- but he was already world-weary and decided that most employers, if they knew about his former occupation, would definitely not choose him. They might even fear him; he would be a formidable force to be reckoned with at meetings, and he might even invite his enemies to the company. That was why he chose to stay behind in SO and do mundane things. Not that ferrying spies around was mundane, of course. He loved a juicy story or two now and then, from a spy who can't keep his mouth shut. If he didn't like the guy, then straight to Jones' office he goes, telling him about a certain spy who might 'endanger their operations with his blabbering mouth', while for those spies that he liked, he wouldn't tell. Well, it might be considered as withholding information from the superiors, but he figured that it wasn't included in his job scope anyway.<p>

Yet, there was this one spy whom he could not decide whether to like or to shy away from. His name was Alex Rider.

He had seen his fair share of strange things, from villains who come up with the most absurd plans for world domination to his fellow spies dancing from cubicle to cubicle during Christmas, but surely a teenager's presence in a MI6 high-security vehicle, with the purpose of going to Brecon Beacons as a spy, no less, was the craziest thing he had ever come across. Sure, he had heard the rumours, but rumours weren't meant to be true, were they? However, it was this teenager's behaviour, in his unshakable opinion, that really took the cake. He had a certain aura around him, something that warned others not to get too close. He was a handsome boy, but his cold eyes would scare the girls even before they got a chance to talk to him. They seemed to see right through you- a quality that only experienced agents at SO had- and it was pretty unnerving. Especially when it was him who had to drive for hours on end with Alex Rider.

Right now, the teenager was calmly staring at the driver's seat, and seemed content just to _look_ at the seat. What was so special about the seat? Was there a bomb strapped to the seat? A sonic resonator, perhaps? Or maybe it was just a spider. Then again, pests usually didn't command such intense scrutiny.

"Mr Rider?" he asked tentatively, almost afraid of his answer.

Surprisingly, Alex replied with utmost respect, "Yes, Mr Henderson?"

He laughed. "You don't have to call me Mr Henderson. Wallace is fine."

"Then Alex is fine too."

"You don't look fine," he said, glancing back to look at him.

Alex said nothing, and continued to look out of the window. Wallace sighed, his opportunity to make small talk lost. This world wasn't for young people like Alex Rider, but somehow he got sucked into it. He barely restrained himself from banging on his fist on the steering wheel, cursing the superiors to the deepest pits of hell. He had a nephew about Alex's age, and he definitely did not want him to follow his footsteps. Not after what he had been through. Alex looked so _broken_. His eyes were bottomless pools of misery and defeat. He tried not to stare at them for more than a few seconds. A cold chill would run up his spine when he looked into them. He had never known or seen such lifelessness.

Wallace shook his head firmly, lips pressed into a thin line. He was going to bring Alex to Beacons, safe and sound, and pray that he would be alright.

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><p>"Here we are, Alex," Wallace smiled. They had passed through security just fine, and since the soldiers on guard duty could not see through the tinted windows, Alex's age and identity still remained a secret. For now.<p>

Alex responded with a curt nod. "Thank you," he replied, and got out of the car. He opened the boot, grabbed his bag and walked away. Wallace grimaced as he heard some of the soldiers pumping and running around, training. He had left that all behind already. Sneaking one last look at Alex, he drove away, trying to hide the guilt for bringing him to such a place. If it helped him to stay alive, then he would make sure that Alex stayed there.

Meanwhile, Alex briskly made his way to the Sergeant's hut, located at a rather strategic spot, a secluded corner of the camp that would take at least fifteen minutes to reach if he ran. He set his bag down and checked his watch- ten minutes till reporting time. He frowned for a few seconds before putting his emotionless mask back on, hoisted his heavy bag onto his shoulder, and ran.

Ten minutes later found Alex knocking on the Sergeant's door. He wasn't panting, although his heart rate was faster by a bit. He shook his head as all the physical training the Sergeant would make him do flooded his mind. Two years ago, he would have cursed Blunt and Jones and all things with the remotest link to SO, but now, it was just another thing that he would 'go with the flow' with.

The Sergeant barked out a gruff 'Come in!', and Alex silently turned the doorknob. He closed the door gently behind him, and stood at attention. The Sergeant seemed quite impressed that he still remembered, but then narrowed his eyes again. He was startled when he looked at Alex. He had definitely grown taller, and much fitter, too. He looked properly groomed (he wouldn't for long), but there was a strange air around him. Cool, calm and dangerous. What really changed about him was his eyes. They were staring straight ahead, all foggy with no spark at all. He frowned, and momentarily even felt afraid of him, but he dismissed all further thoughts of the boy and resumed his angry persona. He had even rehearsed a long tirade to regurgitate to him- and he wasn't going to back down just because of someone's eyeballs. He started pacing.

"I don't know why you're here, and I would say that I didn't care, but I am _very curious_ as to what the hell SO is thinking, sending you back here. Do you have _any idea _what you do to our reputation?"

Alex was still standing as straight as a rod, unblinking.

"Well?" The Sergeant barked.

"No sir."

"No sir! _No sir!_" The Sergeant repeated, livid, face flushed.

"Yes sir."

That lead to another round of harsh criticism, full of degrading terms that Alex was desensitised to. He found the insults thrown his way rather creative, but he had heard it all from his past missions.

After the Sergeant had finished spitting probably about a gallon of saliva, he calmed down and settled for a glare in Alex's direction. Alex mildly wondered what he did to deserve this. His first time here was definitely better than now- at least the Sergeant did not feel the need to call him such imaginative names. Something must have happened.

"Cub, you'll be assigned to K-unit again. I don't really care how loving your relationship with them is, as long as I don't find your dead body," the Sergeant sneered.

"Yes sir," came the robotic answer. The Sergeant paused, possibly trying to find some fault with that answer, but found none, and carried on.

"You better remember this: I have zero tolerance for misbehaviour in all forms. I will _not_ have a discipline problem in _my _camp, you hear me?"

"Yes sir."

"Good. Find out your schedule from your _unit_," he commanded, sneering when he said the last word, "Dismissed."

Cub saluted, and left the Sergeant's hut. He tugged at his shoulder straps and trudged to K-unit's hut.

Suicidal teenager or not, he was _definitely _dreading their reunion.

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><p>"Hey, Wolfie poofie, when is Cub coming?" Eagle shrieked, prancing to Wolf's bed. Wolf was cleaning out his gun, a HKMP5, the favourite assault rifle of the British SAS. Wolf glared at his unit's resident jokester (and joke).<p>

"I don't know, and I don't care."

"But you've got to! He's _Cub_, our baby Cub-" Eagle whined, and received a pillow to the face from Snake.

"Shut up, will you?" Snake growled, cuddling up in a ball with his blanket and wriggling around, trying to make himself comfortable. His nose was buried in a medical book. "I'm trying to read."

Cheetah, their replacement for Fox who apparently got 'binned', nodded in agreement. He was a man of few words. "I'm more of a man of action," he had told them when they first met, and promptly proved it when he socked Eagle because he was getting too annoyed with his prancing on his first day. Wolf, Snake and Cheetah quickly became fast friends.

There was silence as Eagle attempted to figure out if Cheetah was going to punch him again, like all those other times when he refused to shut up. When Cheetah's form did not move from his bunk, he resumed his chirping about the 'much anticipated arrival of our baby Cubby'. That soon resulted in an all-out pillow fight, Snake and Cheetah against Eagle. (Wolf figured he was too manly for a pillow fight, though he was itching to join).

Finally, Snake gave in, for if there was one thing that K-unit learnt about Eagle, it was that Eagle was very resilient. Too resilient. He checked his watch. "Cub should be arriving soon."

Wolf snorted. "You make him sound like he's a VIP. _Arriving_, huh?"

"Well, what synonym does Your Royal Highness propose to substitute this offending word that puts your subject in such high regard?" Eagle questioned, a dopey smile on his face. Snake's jaw hit the ground.

"Since when did you possess such vocabulary?"

Eagle looked miffed. "Well, I-" he began, but was promptly interrupted by the sound of the door opening. The door always creaked, and soon they found themselves staring at the figure at the doorway.

"Cub," Wolf growled.

"Cubby!" Eagle squealed, bounding towards him, arms outstretched. Alex found his eyes widening, and quickly moved out of the way, causing Eagle to run straight into the door. Snake burst out laughing, while Cheetah shook his head slowly, looking exasperated. Even Wolf had a flicker of amusement in his eyes, before they turned cold again, and glared at Alex.

"Same rules," he grunted. He couldn't be bothered to repeat himself. Alex nodded. _Just like the old days. _He briefly wondered why Wolf did not ask more questions about his return to Beacons, but guessed that the Sergeant forbade them to ask. So being the Goody-Two-Shoes that he was, he shut up. Eagle, however, was a different story altogether. He wondered why Eagle was suddenly so hyper and _bouncy_, for the lack of a better word. He chattered non-stop, pummelling his ears with inquisitive questions that he ignored. He definitely wasn't this talkative when he was here the first time. Alex surveyed the room. There was a new member in here- he guessed he was Cheetah. Jones had mentioned him before. He sized the new member up. The first thing he noticed was that Cheetah was very tall. The tallest man in the unit, actually. He had brown hair and blue eyes, with fair skin, an angular face and a well-toned body. He had not spoken a word yet, but was calmly observing Alex. He guessed Cheetah was the silent type.

When Eagle paused to catch his breath, Snake took this as a cue to welcome Alex back into the unit- if you call poking and prodding Alex as 'welcoming'.

"Take your shirt off," he commanded.

"I just don't swing that way." Alex swiftly replied. He _was _broken, but he still had that Rider wit and sarcasm that never seemed to go away. It just wasn't used that much now that his mind was occupied with other thoughts. Like suicide, for example.

Snake rolled his eyes as the rest of the unit smirked. "I don't either. You need a physical evaluation."

Alex found his heart racing when he said that. What would they say if they saw all his scars? He forced himself to calm down.

"You can't do it here. You need equipment, my medical records, and other stuff," Alex trailed off, gesturing. He racked his brain, trying to find other excuses, but came up with nothing.

"I can do the basic things without those," Snake replied, narrowing his eyes. "You're hiding something."

The spy in Alex kicked in. "What makes you think that?"

"People who don't want to have a physical usually ask these sort of questions. And the common reason for this is because they have something to hide." _No shit, Sherlock._

"I don't have anything to hide."

"Then take the shirt _off_."

"I feel unsafe when it's _you _giving me the physical, in front of _them._" Alex had to abandon all suicidal thoughts now. It was quite ironic that a suicidal teenager refused to get killed by his unit's medic. He wanted to die without people knowing about his past. It was just a way to keep things hidden. He hated the drama that he knew would come later.

"I don't care."

"_I _do. You weren't exactly friendly the first time I came here, the rest of your unit included. What makes you think I trust you?" Alex shot back. He was getting rather desperate now. Snake bit his lip. All medics had this drilled into their heads: _Whatever you do to another person, you need their trust._

"Well..."

"This settles it. I'm going to have to go through tests anyway, to see how fit I am. The doctors in the infirmary should be able to conduct a physical evaluation for me. At I least I trust _them_."

Wolf resisted the urge to punch the living daylights out of him, although he had a point. They had been complete bastards to him the first time he came here. _And _Alex had saved his career by kicking him out of that plane when he didn't have the guts to.

"You two cut it out," he said finally, studying Alex. Alex looked every bit like a pouty teenager, and it nearly riled him up. Nearly.

"But-"

Wolf shook his head. "It's up to him to decide what he wants to do with the evaluation. As long as he doesn't get us binned, I don't really care."

"Aw, Wolfie-poo, going soft, are we?" Eagle cooed.

"Not on you," was his reply, and that was followed by a fist in the nose. A very hardfist.

While Eagle was putting on a great show of pain in front of the unit, Alex was unpacking his things. He deliberated on putting a photograph of Jack beside his bed. He glanced around, and saw that all of his unit members had similar photographs. Wolf had his whole gigantic family smiling at him; Snake had a wife; Eagle was surrounded with children (his nieces and nephews, probably), and the new guy had a picture of his parents. He glanced sadly at a smiling Jack, and put it beside his bed as well.

Eagle stopped his show, and ran to the photo.

"Ooooh, a pretty American!" he shouted with glee. Wolf, Snake and Cheetah rushed to look too. Alex raised an eyebrow. Since when were they so interested in photographs of other people's family?

"She's too old for him," Snake said, giving Eagle a whack on the head. Ah, this was the reason. Wolf studied the picture. "Who is she?"

Alex looked away. Should he tell, or should he not? Why not tell them a little truth? It was not really related to MI6. Yet, he did not trust them either. So, he settled for: "A friend."

"There has got to be more!" Eagle cried, gesturing to the picture. "People don't put pictures of _friends _beside their beds! You must have thousands of friends! Why her?" Snake raised an eyebrow, signalling him to continue.

"I...don't want to talk about it."

"What about your rich parents?" Wolf sneered. Alex froze. It was a good question. He had never seen his parents before; Ian never had any photos of them.

"I...don't know," was his forlorn answer. Silence ensued. "What do you mean...you don't know?" Snake asked gently, fearing the worst.

"I don't have any pictures of them."

"Why-" Wolf began, but Snake cut him off.

"They're dead, aren't they?"

* * *

><p><strong>Oooh, Snake figured it out! Alex oh Alex, it seems that you have revealed for more that what you liked! Has Alex warmed up to K-unit already? And where does Fox fit in the picture?<strong>

**I hope you liked the story so far, and don't forget to review!**

**Love,**

**Syd**


	5. Cub In The Wilderness

**Hello, my dear readers and reviewers! Thank you so much for all your kind reviews! I really appreciate your enthusiasm in reviewing and reading my story. Because of this, I have decided to update this chapter earlier! It was meant for next Wednesday, but hey, since you people like it, why not update now?**

**Alright, I'm going to use this opportunity to mention all the people who had reviewed for the last chapter and made my day. **

**To ****Anonymous****, thanks for the long review about my writing. I really appreciate the feedback you've given me. And thank you ****Scorpia ****for your suggestion too! A big thank you to the rest: ****HollyBlue2****, ****JellieButtons25**** (I noticed you changed your pen name. Nice name!), ****Lady Cougar-Trombone****, ****cwatker222****, ****Xiaoqing****, ****Blissful Winter****, ****Mustache lover****, ****Mythomagic-Champion****, ****J'aime lire****, ****bubzchoc****, ****Bookdancer****, ****youngjusticefanatic**** (Yes, I'm bribe-able! :P), ****Guest ****(Sorry, I haven't really got any time for 10K+ words, but I shall attempt in the near future. Thanks!), ****SilverStar121****, ****Reldanfiregirl****, ****alice419****, ****lia-leigh ****, ****mysteryangelcutlass14**** (Thank you so much for your long review! I hope I get the cookie! ^^) and ****xxXanimefreak101Xxx****. **

**Alright, on with the story!**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Five<strong>

_"I...don't know," was his forlorn answer. Silence ensued. "What do you mean...you don't know?" Snake asked gently, fearing the worst._

_"I don't have any pictures of them."_

_"Why-" Wolf began, but Snake cut him off._

_"They're dead, aren't they?"_

* * *

><p>It was a miracle that Alex managed to keep his balance. It was really a very wrong thing to say. With a suicidal person that possessed such emotional stability, any sudden, sharp jabs of such magnitude would surely have unbearable consequences. Alex's breathing immediately hastened, his heartbeat irregular, and his mind a whir. The only choice left was to get away from it all.<p>

So he ran.

He burst out of the little gathering of soldiers and out the door, running like his life depended on it. Lights flashed in his mind, and he was reminded of all the times he wished his parents were alive, that his uncle had not gone on that mission, and that everything was alright. He heard faint shouts in the background, but he was too focused on the images and sounds in his mind to give them any thought. He finally broke into a clearing surrounded by trees. Only now did he realise that he had ran into a forest bordering the camp. It was usually used for wilderness training, but no one else was in it at that time. Cradling his head, he sank to the ground.

"No..." he mumbled through gritted teeth. He had to get these thoughts out of his head. A little voice in his head spoke.

_"If you die, it'll make it all better." _

Another voice immediately retaliated. _"No, it won't! You have a whole life ahead of you."_

The first voice chuckled bitterly. _"What life? Your whole so-called life has been ruined by stupid MI6. There's no turning back. Besides, you want your parents. Your uncle. Jack. Sabina. You can get them back. The question is, are you up for the sacrifice?"_

Without waiting for Reason to voice its opinion, he whipped out his Swiss Army knife.

It's too early, he thought, he had just gotten here. Then again, since when did the SAS want him? The sergeant made it very clear that he was vermin, unwanted rubbish that ruined his camp. He might as well just kill himself now, and save all the trouble.

Then he thought of Ben.

Ben was practically his older brother. After the Pleasures were killed, Ben had immediately taken a plane to America to check on him. Sure, he was distraught, disorientated and incoherent, but he still remembered Ben calming him down, and promising him that he would take care of him. Before MI6 called and whisked him away to Syria.

Alex fought back the tears, his mind reeling with images of Ben buying him doughnuts and his feeble attempts at cracking jokes in the hospital when he was bloody and broken after valiantly defending the Pleasures. "_Alex, I promise, I'll always be here for you. I don't know how, but I'm going to ask Mrs Jones for permission to take care of you. You might think that you have no one left, but trust me, you've still got one more. Me." _That was what he had told him on his last hospital visit to see Alex. Ten minutes later, he was out of the door, heading to the Bank for another mission. Ben had betrayed him. Ben had _lied_. He had promised to be by his side and look out for him, but in the end he still left for MI6 and whatever criminal organisation that was stupid enough to come under their radar. He had truly believed that he had _someone _on his side. especially after that little touching speech he had given to him, but now he realised that it was all just wishful thinking. He really did have no one on his side. Not anymore. Watching Ben leave was one of the most painful moments of his life, never mind Doctor Three. Ben was the last hope he had clung on to. And like all the others, they were dashed.

He carefully selected the knife, and closed his eyes. If he was lucky, he would bleed to death, and if he got found out after he cut himself, he would just have to escape.

* * *

><p>"Cub, where are you?" Wolf yelled, stumbling over yet under tree root. He clenched his fists in frustration. "Where the hell can he be?"<p>

"Shut it," Snake snapped. "You're the main reason he left."

Wolf fell silent, thinking of all the times he had teased and taunted him about his supposed 'rich parents'. He winced at the memory of a particularly bad insult. He cursed himself for not looking out for the signs that could possibly refute his claim that Cub had rich parents then. Granted, he did not have Snake's amazing brains, but the evidences were just too glaringly obvious to be missed. Yet, he still did. This proved just how much a bastard he was. He was just so _angry_ and _confused_. What was SO thinking, sending a mere child to a military camp, and the _SAS_, no less. It was just unthinkable then, and he had let his thoughts run wild, resulting in him spurting out words, insults and jabs at the kid's family that were best left unsaid. But Cub didn't go running into the forest then, so why now?

Even Eagle looked subdued and guilty. He was never faced with this situation before. He was supposed to be the unit's clown and sunshine, the one who brightened up their day and cheered them on even when they had bathed in half-frozen slime that covered their treasure trove of minor cuts, but now he was feeling as low as the rest- or maybe even lower. He had always considered himself to be able to understand the younger generation and their quirks, but now he realised that even though he had tons of experience with his nieces and nephews, he had barely known Cub at all. He thought back to the time when Cub first came to the SAS camp. He didn't bully him like what Wolf did- and honestly he had felt that Wolf had gone too far at times- but at the same time he had felt jealous. He had totally believed that Cub had rich parents, but only because they were still a pretty new unit and Wolf was their leader- and he was afraid of him. He was jealous of Cub- his childhood was less than ideal, and here right in an SAS camp that he finally felt as if he was needed, this rich kid showed up and completely caught them off guard. He hung his head in shame.

Snake was cursing himself for not realising this earlier. He had a vague idea of what was going on then, but he just could not figure out the whole picture. Now that it was laid out in front of him, he had come to see that it was so blatantly obvious, and was ashamed of himself. His family were a bunch of highly-educated intellectuals with a knack of being very logical and factual. He should've seen the signs, and the pain that Cub's eyes had reflected. He had seen Cub glance at them more than once when Wolf was berating him, and it was only now that he had come to realise that he was asking them for help. Why didn't he see that before?

Cheetah was still the same- the silent and watchful type. He was thinking about this new addition to their unit. Cub. He knew all about him- at least what his unit told him. He knew that he didn't have an easy life, but this new revelation had lead him to confirm his suspicions that something was seriously off about Alex. He had a psychiatrist for a sister, and this resulted in him knowing all about the symptoms of depression. This kid had a serious problem. When Alex had run off, he was the first one out of the hut. Alex was capable of doing many things, and he feared the worst. He set his mouth into a grim line.

He would make sure the kid was safe.

"How did you figure out that Cub's parents were dead?" Eagle asked Snake, breaking Cheetah out of his reverie. He drew closer to Snake, interested. Wolf signalled to the unit to continue walking, but allowed Snake to talk. He too was interested to find out.

"I had my doubts that Cub belonged to a rich family in the first place. If he was, he would have been flaunting all his valuables and possessions that were allowed in the camp premises. I've seen his belongings from home. They weren't exactly branded things."

Snake paused to glance at Wolf. Wolf deliberately shifted his gaze to the vegetation, pretending to be focused on searching for Cub, but Snake knew that he was just trying to avoid his accusing gaze.

"He didn't complain at all, even when we were bullying him," Snake continued, "or should I say, when _Wolf _was bullying him." All of them spun their heads to look at Wolf. He was still looking pointedly away.

"Then when Eagle commented about his photograph just now, everything just clicked. I mean, he didn't mention his parents at all during his stay here, did he?"

All of them descended in deep thought. Snake frowned and led the group forward. Eagle and Cheetah had similar expressions on their faces, mulling over the whole issue. Wolf, however, was hit the worst. Every memory of him teasing Cub came back with twice the impact. He was never good with 'sorry'. How was he supposed to apologise to Cub?

After a few moments, they decided to split up to break the awkward silence that had ensued. After quickly agreeing on a rendezvous point, they sped off.

Soon, there was a relieved and excited cry of 'I found him!'. It was Eagle. All the other unit members raced towards the direction of Eagle's exclamation. Wolf was the last to arrive, having gone deep into the forest to find Cub. Although he was quite irritated at having all the scrapes and cuts the devious thorns and branches around him had inflicted upon his sore and weary self, he was relieved that it was Eagle who had found him, and not himself. He was sure he could not take another round of awkward silences, and trying to apologise one-on-one.

Snake was interrogating Alex, while the rest of them stood by.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," Alex said, a little shaky. Everyone could see that he was really shaken up, and decided to bring him to the hut to rest. Cheetah offered to carry Alex on his back, but Snake gave Wolf a pointed look, and Wolf reluctantly stepped in to carry him instead.

"I'm fine," Alex repeated, a little horrified at having to be carried on someone's back, much less _Wolf's_. "I don't need anyone to carry me."

"You do," Snake shot back. "Hurry up, Wolf's waiting for you."

"I'm _fine_," Alex said again, irritated. He stalked off in the direction of the camp, and the rest of the unit hastily followed. They weren't going to lose him again.

Along the way, Snake still persisted in talking to Alex, trying to convince him that they were the 'good guys', and since they were temporary team mates, they should know about each other.

"You don't have to know _everything _about me," Alex said coldly. "And my past is something I'd like to stay buried, even after I die." _Which will be pretty soon, _he added. This reminded him of his suicide attempt a couple of minutes ago. He frowned. After he closed his eyes, he had suddenly felt terrified of killing himself. He had this inexplicable urge to drop the knife and run away from it. He couldn't explain it; all the other times were just so easy. Slashing his wrists felt _good_, but just now, it just felt sickening. He narrowed his eyes. It _had_ to be the unit's influence. If he didn't hang around them so much, he could probably be his old, suicidal self again. This was unheard of. He had been around them for less than two hours, and they could already let him reconsider the whole suicide thing? He didn't like it one bit. He wasn't supposed to get emotionally attached to anyone. It was dangerous. He had been let down far too many times. His uncle, Jack, Sabina, Ben... _No. _He couldn't, and wouldn't, be emotionally attached to them. When Eagle had found him, he had accidentally cut himself trying to put the Swiss knife back, and so right now he just revelled in the masochistic pleasure the cut gave him.

In his musings, he did not hear Snake ask him about his 'past'. This led to Snake becoming increasingly frustrated, and jumped in front of him to stop him from walking any further and pay attention to what he was saying. Which led to Alex walking straight into Snake.

Alex felt as if he'd hit a brick wall. Soon, he was falling, but before he hit the ground, Wolf had caught him and pulled him upright again. Wolf looked extremely uncomfortable, and there was an unspoken apology in his eyes. He felt compelled to thank Wolf for saving him from hitting the ground, but then he remembered that he was not supposed to get too close to them, for they had 'influenced' his suicidal thoughts. He was bent on dying, and he would have his way. So Wolf just received a curt nod and a stony stare before Alex walked off again, this time keeping his distance from both Snake and Wolf.

Wolf was livid. He had just saved the kid from falling, and looked extremely out of his element in the process, and all he got was a nod?

"Listen here, kid-" he began, balling his fists, but received a warning look from Snake. He returned Snake with a look of indignance, but Snake mouthed, "Let's talk later."

The rest of the journey out of the forest and into the unit's hut was a silent one. Snake wisely gave up his interrogation, much to Alex's relief. Wolf was brooding as usual, while Cheetah was being his usual self. Eagle was trying very hard not to break into song, for even he, as dense as he was (or appeared to be anyway), knew that the situation was tense enough. Yes, his random outburst would result in the tension being broken, but he was more afraid of his team mates' reactions. K-unit rarely ever got a quiet moment, courtesy of a certain bird-named 'comedian', and they intended to make full use of it.

When they entered the hut, Alex made a beeline for his bed. He fell into the bed, staring at the ceiling. He felt the others' gazes on him, but he ignored them. After some time, he spoke up.

"So, what's our schedule?"

Cheetah passed a piece of paper for Snake to read out. "We were given an hour for you to settle in and 'get to know each other'," Snake said, emphasising on the last bit. At the sight of an indifferent Alex, he sighed and continued. "Then it's languages, followed by a couple of rounds on the obstacle course. After that it's dinner-"

"My favourite time of the day!" Eagle interrupted. Snake feebly swatted him with the paper.

"-and wash-up and whatever. But don't bother; we're having a midnight swim tonight."

Eagle groaned dramatically. Cheetah shook his head, and replied Snake with an, "Okay."

Alex turned to look at Cheetah. "You're in charge of communications, right?"

Cheetah nodded.

"Then why are you so quiet?"

Wolf barely restrained himself from chiding Alex for his bluntness, but Cheetah did not seem offended. In fact, he seemed quite relieved that Alex was not completely closed off to them, and that they still could communicate.

"I'm good with codes and languages, even if I don't speak much," he explained.

Alex accepted that answer, solemnly swearing to himself that there was something else that compelled Cheetah to speak only when needed, and he would find out. It was just really unnatural, even for silent people. The SAS weren't just shy.

For now, however, he was just going to enjoy the rest of the precious hour they had to 'get to know one another', before the nightmare began.

* * *

><p><strong>Alright, so this closes Chapter Five! I was originally planning a cliffhanger, but decided that this was more suitable as a closure. Did you guys like how I included Ben here? There'll be more of him in the future, I promise. I've noticed that it doesn't really tally with the Ben part in Chapter 2, so I'm going to make some changes to Chapter 2 so that it fits better. Next chapter: Languages and the Midnight Swim! (aka more potential discoveries about Alex). So... I hope you guys will review, even if you didn't like this chapter. Thanks!<strong>

**Love,**

**-Syd.**


	6. Serious Issues

**It's so nice to be back! I'm sorry I missed last week's update; I was revising for a test that took place today. And so I'm free to post this new chapter now! I hope you've enjoyed the previous five chapters so far. This is the sixth- and honestly, I'm absolutely delighted to see so many reviews, and that so many people have already put this story on their story alert and favourite list. Thank you so much! I would also appreciate it if you could review too, and not just put this story on the aforementioned lists. *nudge nudge* **

**So anyway, before I start ranting (again), please proceed with the story!**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Six<strong>

_Alex accepted that answer, solemnly swearing to himself that there was something else that compelled Cheetah to speak only when needed, and he would find out. It was just really unnatural, even for silent people. The SAS weren't just shy._

_For now, however, he was just going to enjoy the rest of the precious hour they had to 'get to know one another', before the nightmare began._

* * *

><p>Languages turned out to be, for Alex, a language test, while K-unit went to another hut for lessons. A language instructor was assigned to give him his test. Of course, there was a lot of eyebrow-raising during the test. The first time was when the instructor caught sight of Alex. Then it was explanation time-albeit censored with a couple of 'classified's thrown in, and it was all in German. At least, that was what the instructor insisted upon. Next was the Spanish practical. When the instructor was bored enough with Alex's perfect recital on the Spanish Inquisition (in Spanish), Alex was ordered to list all the other languages he knew in French. There was French itself, Mandarin Chinese, Tagalog, Russian, and Swahili. The instructor shook his head in disbelief. <em>Who was this kid? <em>he asked himself, but had a sneaking suspicion that he was tied with SO. After all, it was hard not to make the link after hearing the kid say 'classified' about four hundred times.

With that, Alex breezed through the language test, got a perfect grade, and went to find the obstacle course. He weaved in and out of the shadows, blending into the surroundings, and becoming part of it. No one noticed when a young boy slipped past them, on his way to the course. No one noticed when said boy sat on a rock in the shadows, waiting for his unit. No one noticed when he greeted said unit and instructor, who was tasked to give him a fitness test. However, K-unit and the instructor definitely noticed that Cub had amazing agility, speed and energy.

"Wow," was all Eagle managed when Alex appeared again, huffing and puffing, but managing a fantastic time of eight minutes.

"You've definitely improved from the last time you did this," Snake commented. The instructor raised his eyebrows again.

"Cub has been here before?"

"Yes sir." Wolf answered.

"Why?"

"I don't know, sir. The Sergeant told us it was classified."

"And do _you _know the reason why, Cub?" the instructor asked, narrowing his eyes at him.

Cub shook his head. "It's classified, sir."

The instructor nodded his head, disappointment evident in his eyes. "Very well. Wolf, you're next."

After a couple of hours at the obstacle course, it was dinnertime. Exhausted, they made their way to the mess hall.

"A heads-up," Snake advised Alex, "they don't know about you."

Alex swallowed, and nodded. This was bad.

Dinner proved to be an interesting affair. The moment K-unit had stepped into the mess hall, silence reigned. Everyone was gaping at the sight of a teenager standing with a unit of seasoned soldiers. That was _K-unit, _one of the most famous units in SAS history. They had their fair share of special operations and more. They were role models. And they had a mere kid amongst them.

No one made a sound as they went to collect their food. Eagle gave an encouraging pat on Alex's back. That action alone seemed to have sparked the sudden outburst of murmuring.

"Who _is _that kid?"

"What's he doing with K-unit?"

"Why is he wearing SAS uniform?"

"He' s just a _kid!"_

Alex ignored all the comments and jibes. They didn't deserve his attention, but he found himself hanging on to their every word. At every insult, his heart sank a little. Oh, he could tell he wasn't wanted. Even when Wolf sent his famous glare all around to everyone to shut them up, the damage was done. He quickly gobbled up his food, deposited his tray at the collection area, and rejoined his unit, who were still eating. He stared at the table, trying to block out the whispers.

"Hey Wolf," a brave soul called out, "who's the kid?"

There were several other similar shouts, and some of them were not very nice. Alex took a deep breath. _Alex, calm down. The Sergeant's called you worse names. _Yet, he couldn't help it but take some of the harsher insults to heart. It was probably because of his nightmare earlier that caused this emotional imbalance. He had to fix it somehow. He willed his unit to eat faster. They seemed to get the message, and quickly finished their dinner, ignoring the questions from the other units and left the mess hall. Eagle glanced at Alex.

"How're you feeling?"

"Just peachy," Alex replied curtly. Eagle's eyebrows rose.

"You don't look it."

_"Just peachy," _Alex repeated through gritted teeth. He was pretty tired of the SAS now. Couldn't they just make up their minds about whether to be nice to him or not? Wolf narrowed his eyes, but said nothing. He was going to let the kid off the hook-this time.

They entered the cabin and lazed around for a while before sinking into their beds at ten. They had a midnight swim later, but it was better to get some rest first. Since they were still going to get dirty anyway, they did not bother washing up. They could do that after the swim. Sleep quickly claimed them.

* * *

><p>Alex was not in the cabin. He looked around, frightened. It was pitch dark, and he immediately got into a defensive stance. Where was he?<p>

Then, all of a sudden, a loud explosion was heard in the distance. Bits and pieces of metal, looking suspiciously like automobile parts, rocketed into the sky. They congregated and suddenly turned to face him. A heartbeat later, they were racing across the darkness, each a sinister beacon of red light, crashing into the dark space around him. Alex's eyes seemed to have widened further than any human's could go as he stared, shell-shocked, at the red cobras of fire snaking their way around his entire body. The hot tongues licked at his feet, which he realised were bare, but he did not really care. His mind was still focused on the explosion. _Jack..._

With this name springing into his mind, the scene changed. The fire disappeared, and a blizzard replaced the darkness. He was glad for the change for a couple of seconds, until his mind brought back memories of Julius. Point Blanc.

_"Cub?"_

The scene had changed again. He was in the ocean, face-to-stinger with a Portuguese Man o' War. The horrifying creature had Herod Sayle's face. Stormbreaker.

_"Cub, wake up!"_

Images whirled in his head, reeling like an old movie, switching from scene to scene. _"Where am I?" _he screamed. This was some sick joke, wasn't it? Someone was messing with him, with his mind. He started running. He didn't care where he ended up- he _would _get away from those images.

_"Come on, Cub, work with us! Stop thrashing and wake up!"_

He ran into the darkness, and a couple of seconds later, he found himself at exactly the same spot he had started with. The images got more personal. Jack was smiling at him, and after that, a big red X appeared on her face. The same was done to Ian. Sabina. Her parents.

The last image that he saw, before they all faded away, was Ben walking away from him.

He was laughing.

_"Cub!" _Wolf yelled in his ear. Alex shot right out of the bed, shaking violently, clinging onto his meagre threadbare blanket for dear life. His glazed, frightened eyes met his unit mates'.

"Sh-spirits, Cub, what's gotten into you?" Eagle asked, frowning deeply at the young boy. _The young boy. Who shouldn't be here. Who shouldn't be thrashing on his bed at 11pm at night. Who shouldn't be whimpering for his family in the throes of a nightmare._

"How are you feeling?" Snake asked gently, making a move to touch him. Alex shrank back into a corner of the cabin, away from them. Snake's eyebrows knitted together.

This was _not _normal behaviour.

"M-m' fine."

Wolf snorted. "You're not."

"I-I am." Alex willed himself not to stutter, and attempted to look at Wolf in the eye in a desperate attempt to prove him wrong, but the second their eyes met, he looked away. Wolf's hard gaze softened, and his crankiness at waking up so early in the morning was gone. There was genuine fear in Alex's eyes, and he did not like the sight at all. Where was the stubborn, headstrong, passionate spirit that Alex once had, the determination to get through the obstacle courses? _Whoever who did this to Alex would wish he'd never been born._

"Cub, stop fighting us. Let us help," Cheetah said softly. Alex whipped his head to look at Cheetah in surprise, his fear momentarily forgotten. If Cheetah had chosen to break his virtually perpetual silence to give him comfort and advice, it proved how much he cared. Yet, the SAS wasn't supposed to _care_. They weren't a bunch of wimps. They were tough, seasoned soldiers who shouldn't be caring for him. His mouth hardened into a grim line as he forced the rising bile down his throat.

"No," he said loudly, hoping that it was convincing enough. He was pleased to find that he wasn't stuttering anymore. "Let's go." He shoved his way out of the circle at K-unit had unknowingly formed around him and hurried out of the cabin. Wolf let out a grunt of frustration.

"What's that kid's _problem_?"

"Wolf," Snake said warningly, as Wolf made a move to punch the wall. "That's not a very wise move. I'm not going to be the one bandaging your fist."

"With the amount of force Wolf was going to punch the wall, I'd say that his fist would go right through," Eagle piped up. Cheetah shook his head as an enraged Wolf tried to substitute Eagle as his punching bag instead. Just leave it to Eagle to say something stupid, and rile Wolf up even further. Sometimes, he really wondered how Wolf hadn't killed him yet.

"It's not up to us to pry into his business, but I've got to admit that I'm very interested in that little episode," Snake continued, glaring at a yelping Eagle and a satisfied Wolf. "I say we interrogate him in the morning."

Murmurs of agreement were heard throughout the hut, as everyone exited the hut in silence, brooding over the recent shocking discovering that Cub had nightmares. Wolf shook his head while Snake sighed to himself- Cub had serious issues. Eagle clenched his fists. No kid should be going through that. Cheetah, as his usual self, thought about Cub's situation. He had probably gone through hell and back, with nightmares that violent. He briefly wondered about the possible causes of Cub's nightmare, but his thoughts were interrupted by someone yelling at them to pick up the pace.

* * *

><p>Alex walked away from the hut. He had heard everything that they had discussed. Strangely, he felt happy. Happy that they cared about him, that they had bothered to ask him about it. Yet, he still didn't feel safe with them. To him, they were still strangers. Nosy strangers who cared about him. He let a small smile grace his face, but it disappeared as soon as it appeared. His guard was slipping. He was afraid of the consequences. Such conflicted feelings! On one hand, he wanted to embrace them, thank them for their care and concern, and receive their help. Tell them his story. However, on the other hand, he felt unsafe, and that telling them about him was probably the worst thing he could ever do. He could never trust anyone again, not after Ben. Still...<p>

Groaning in frustration, he broke into a run in the direction of the lake. He would decide later on. Now, he had to cleanse all memories of the nightmare away, hopefully into the lake where they couldn't come back to haunt him.

But he knew they would.

* * *

><p>At the lake, K-unit found the Sergeant himself waiting for them.<p>

"Men!" he barked, and narrowed his eyes as he saw Alex. He made no move to acknowledge Alex as a boy, and somehow Alex found himself silently thanking him. He didn't want to be singled out. He glanced at the rest of the unit. Were they going to take off their shirts? This was bad. If they did... Alex wasn't sure if he would still be allowed to enter the water. He was probably going to be sent straight to the infirmary, with the Sergeant hot on his heels, and interrogate him about the sheer number of scars on his back. He inwardly winced. It would be really bad.

Thankfully, that was not the case.

"Tonight, you will not be trained on your resistance to the cold in this lake, so you keep your shirts on," the Sergeant yelled, bits of saliva sailing out of his mouth. Alex bit back a laugh, but was relieved anyway.

"However, I have something even more _enjoyable _than that," the Sergeant smirked. He pointed at a neat pile of bags abandoned at one corner- they were probably prepared by the new recruits. "You will have to strap on those bags and swim across the lake. Twenty times, back and forth, no questions asked. Are you clear?"

"Crystal!" they answered swiftly, and when the Sergeant dismissed them to carry on, they hurriedly strapped on the bags and jumped into the lake in unison. At first, Alex found it hard to breathe, with the heavy bag weighing him down. However, he still gritted his teeth and persevered through the icy water. First lap. Second lap. Third lap...

When the twentieth lap was completed, he collapsed on the grass, utterly exhausted. Eagle grinned down at him.

"How're you feeling now, Cub?"

"Peachy," Alex panted, trying to stabilise his heart rate. Eagle frowned. "Snake, this kid is _stubborn,_" Eagle said loudly to his unit mate, jerking a thumb at Alex's general direction. Snake rolled his eyes, while Alex wordlessly got up. He would show Eagle stubborn. He stood his ground at glared at the pair. Eagle visibly shrank back, cowering behind Snake. Being directly in front of Alex, he had gotten the full force of Alex's cold, unnerving eyes. It was creepy in daylight, but at night, it was downright scary. Wolf grunted, and reminded the unit that the Sergeant was still standing near them, glaring at them impatiently. They quickly snapped back into attention. However, it was too late, and they had to pay with another forty push-ups. Alex's muscles were greatly strained during the punishment, and he was positive that he had pulled at least a muscle or two. When the unit was dismissed, it was three in the morning. They ran back to the hut, desperate for some sleep, before they had to wake up in the morning. They grabbed their things and headed off to the showers, before returning and falling asleep immediately.

Alex, too tired physically and emotionally, had a dreamless sleep.

* * *

><p>In the morning, K-unit found their last member peacefully sleeping in the bed, hair still wet. It seemed that he was too tired to dry his hair after the shower, and immediately collapsed on his bed. They vaguely wondered why his hair wasn't shaved, but that thought slowly disappeared. Eagle grinned at the peaceful expression on his face. Snake sighed in relief, while Cheetah and even Wolf cracked a small smile. It was hard to think a couple of hours ago, the same boy had been suffering from a violent nightmare.<p>

"Who's going to wake him up?" Wolf asked, breaking the small, touching moment. Eagle had a huge dopey grin on his face, so Wolf asked Snake to do it. Snake rolled his eyes, and touched Alex's shoulder, gently shaking him awake.

"Cub? Cub Wake up-woah!" Snake yelped, as Alex shot out of the bed a second time that day, but this time, he was in full battle-mode. Alex twisted Snake's arms behind his back, pushing him against the wall.

"What the-?" Wolf began. Alex realised what he was doing, and quickly released Snake.

"I'm sorry!"

"What was that for?" Snake groaned, rubbing his shoulders.

"Instinct?" Alex offered, rubbing the back of his neck.

_"Instinct?" _Eagle repeated incredulously, disbelieving. "Who has that kind of instinct? Not even SAS men are that wary of people; like attacking anyone who tries who wake them up!" Alex laughed nervously, changing into his attire for breakfast. Downing a little water, he quickly exited the cabin, followed by his unit mates.

"That kid is crazy," Wolf muttered, and the rest of the unit agreed. Alex, who heard it too, chose to ignore it, though he was pretty insulted and hurt. _Another reason why you shouldn't trust them. They're so...bipolar!_

He shook his head and slowed down so that his unit could catch up. He wasn't going to go to the mess hall alone. He steeled himself for another round of staring- or glaring- and stepped into the mess hall.

* * *

><p><strong>And there you have it, Chapter Six! I thought that the nightmare part was quite draggy, but I hope you guys liked it. I tried to make it a little different from the other nightmare scenes that I've read- and honestly some were really vivid and all around awesome. So, I really hope you guys can review and tell me what you think. <strong>

**Love,**  
><strong>Syd<strong>


	7. Confrontations

**Boo! Here's chapter seven- and on time, too! If you haven't noticed, I'm still trying to update weekly. It might be quite challenging for the next couple of weeks, because that's where all my project deadlines are at, and I have **_**a lot **_**of projects. But don't give up on me yet! I've got a whole lot of excitement planned out for you. **

**Thanks to all my lovely reviewers; you've been amazing as usual. **

**Now, on with the story!**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Seven<strong>

_He shook his head and slowed down so that his unit could catch up. He wasn't going to go to the mess hall alone. He steeled himself for another round of staring- or glaring- and stepped into the mess hall._

* * *

><p>It was worse than he expected.<p>

It seemed like all the new recruits had collectively harboured some sort of hatred for him, and all of them were trying to look fierce and intimidating, shooting their best glares at him. _You have done far more for your country than they have ever done, and would ever do, _he reminded himself, and brushed them aside as if they were nothing. They weren't worth his time being scared of. This subtle action sparked even more anger and disbelief in the new recruits- who did this kid think he was? His presence in a military camp was already hard to believe, even if he was the Sergeant's son or somehow related to the higher-ups, which was a ludicrous suggestion. Their superiors were more professional than that. And now, the rascal had just _ignored _their glares! This was definitely unacceptable, yet, what could they do? March up to K-unit and demand an explanation for his presence and undesirable attitude? Or maybe a little heart-to-heart; sit in a circle and have a singalong? No way; all of them, SAS or not, would not risk getting into trouble with the seasoned soldiers. And besides, Eagle seemed to like the kid. If they got on one unit member's wrong side, the whole pack would follow, followed closely by other packs, and then the alpha male himself. So they settled for long-distance intimidation, but apparently it didn't work. Bear, one of the recruits, gnashed his teeth together. He had worked so damn hardto be accepted into the SAS, and then this rat showed up, strolling around with the legendary K-unit, seemingly with no skills and true grit at all? Oh, he would show that kid that the SAS did not tolerate such things.

However, Alex already knew that he was plotting some unpleasant scheme to get him into trouble. He had noticed the gnashing of teeth, the clenching of fists, and the meaningful banging of cutlery. Apparently, K-unit had noticed too, or at least picked up the palpable tension in the room. Wolf strode purposefully to collect his grub for the day, leading the unit forward. Alex walked silently, trying to blend in the shadows, but it was hard to in the well-lit mess hall. Furthermore, he was being stared down by whole contingents of soldiers. _Not very inconspicuous after all, huh Alex?_ he mused, lifting up a metal tray with his utensils, observing how the cook was left-handed, with a bad leg and a huge scar across his neck. He was probably a retired soldier who was injured in battle in Afghanistan or some other country buried in civil war and political turmoil. He liked the cook. He was the only one who treated him normally. He was the only one who didn't raise his eyebrows and widen his eyes at the sight of him. He was the only one who didn't treat him either like a fragile glass of wine, or like the dirt underneath their feet. He just took one look at him, plopped the inedible-looking food on his tray, grunted, and waved him away to repeat the process with the next hungry soldier. Alex always saved his tiny smiles for the cook, and sometimes he could see the pity in the cook's eyes, and the little tug at the corner of his otherwise motionless mouth when he received Alex's acknowledgement of his work.

Grudgingly, he left the line and followed Wolf and Snake to an empty table. Eagle and Cheetah were behind him, effectively sandwiching him between them. He suspected that this arrangement was to provide comfort and a little sense of security, which he was thankful for- however fake it seemed. Under the scrutiny of the recruits and other inquisitive soldiers, they sat down warily and started eating their food. Eagle took one bite and winced.

"It's bad," he said bluntly, looking at Alex. He was worried that Alex would start complaining too, for that would give a little more leverage to the recruits. They would definitely have more material to bully Alex with. Thankfully, Alex took the meal without batting an eye, which K-unit was happy for, but the recruits were visibly scowling. A little skirmish was seen at L-unit's table. The members of L-unit were close friends of K-unit's, and were also present when Cub came to the camp for the first time. They had a slightly better idea of what was going on, and therefore did not really resent Cub's presence at the camp. Alex raised an eyebrow, and the unit slowly walked towards them.

"Hey Wolf," Leopard greeted, clapping him on the back. Wolf grunted a reply through his food, causing Leopard to chuckle. Wolf swallowed before engaging in small talk with his fellow unit leader. Dingo, their sniper, was your typical lady magnet- chiselled features, rippling muscles, a lean figure- with women throwing themselves at him (and the occasional guy). The lad was young, handsome and determined, but the only downside to him was that he was just like Eagle, his weakness being sweets. Shove a sweet in his mouth and he would have as much energy as a hyper little puppy. It was a pity 'sweets' weren't listed as one of his allergies. That would have saved many innocent lives from emotionally scarring experiences. Currently, Dingo and Eagle were chatting animatedly about the latest Skittles wrapper design. Snake and L-unit's medic, Shark, were discussing quietly about bandages. Shark was once the complete opposite of his code name- a quiet, docile man who was afraid of everything, but now, he was fearless, and everyone looked up to him, especially after an incident when he apparently saved a government official's son from a real shark. Even Wolf respected the changed soldier.

Lastly, the unit's communications specialist, Puma, was considered Cheetah's best friend. It was a miracle actually, considering that their personalities were on the opposite sides of the spectrum. Puma was as extroverted as a person could get, though not as crazy as a Dingo on sugar, he was always the one cheering people up, and talking as fast as humanly possible. He was, once again, talking for the both of them, sustaining a sort of one-way conversation, while Cheetah listened attentively, interjecting with a couple of words and nods. No one seemed to bother about Alex, which he was perfectly fine with, but he caught the furtive glances the members of L-unit were giving each other, and knew. They were here for him.

"So, Cub, right?" Leopard asked, trying to start a conversation with Alex. Alex nodded with just the right emotion accompanied by a smile- one that did not reach his eyes.

"Not to be rude, but what are you doing here?" he asked cautiously. As much as he wanted to use the tried-and-proved method of intimidation, Leopard was unsure of the relationship between Alex and K-unit. He had to tread carefully to avoid ruining their friendship.

"It's classified," Alex replied nonchalantly. "Not even the Sergeant knows."

A bark of laughter erupted from the new recruit's section. Everyone had not noticed that the mess hall had become silent ever since L-unit had approached K-unit. Everyone's heads swivelled around- and Bear's and Alex's eyes locked. Alex inwardly sighed. He knew it.

Bear did not know what he was doing. He ignored the frightened gestures made by his fellow unit mates, and got up, walking to the two units. Everyone stared at him with bated breaths. Alex had to admit, this guy had guts.

K-unit, however, was not amused. Wolf, in particular, was visibly furious. His eyes narrowed, a loud growl was heard. Bear flinched a little, much to the satisfaction of all nine of them.

"What do _you _want, maggot?" Wolf sneered. Bear inadvertently backed away a couple of paces before shaking his head and standing his ground.

"What's with the classified?" he began, emboldening with each word. "It's only used by the SO. Unless, little Cubby's a SO wannabe," he sneered back. Snake looked murderous, the mother hen in him showing. Alex merely raised an eyebrow.

"What makes you think that?" Alex asked slowly, cocking his head to the side in a show of genuine curiosity. If they didn't know better, they would have thought that he was serious. Bear's anger rose.

"Don't talk to me like that!" he snapped. Wolf shot to his feet. "Don't talk to _him _like that!" he growled. Bear flinched and backed away fearfully. He had underestimated the concern Alex's unit mates felt for Alex; he had crossed the line.

"Get out of my sight," Wolf growled, and Bear took off, running, his unit hot on their leader's heels. All the other recruits stared, open-mouthed, and solemnly swore never to get on their bad side ever again. L-unit, along with the other soldiers, was grinning with satisfaction, congratulating Wolf on his intimidating performance. He smirked and glanced at Alex, who was still placidly eating.

"Thanks," Alex said quietly. Part of him was annoyed that he had to have Wolf stand up for him, but the other part was touched. _Wolf_ had stood up for _him_. It was really shocking that their unit's esteemed, cold-hearted leader was so kind to him this time around. He would never have imagined this the first time he was here. Conflicted thoughts were reeling in his mind, and thus he was distracted from the little whispers and conversation around him. He briefly noticed Puma attempting to engage him in a conversation, but he paid no attention as he finished up his food and headed out with the unit.

Somewhere in his heart, though, the mistake was corrected. It wasn't just the unit. It was _his _unit. And strangely, he was perfectly comfortable with that.

* * *

><p>They had wilderness training that day. Everyone was pretty uncomfortable with it, considering what had happened a couple a days ago, but Alex was completely unaffected with the news, so they took it in their stride and left for the forest. Wilderness training turned out to be camping. <em>Just great, <em>Alex thought, _just when I was settling into the hut, wham! Camping in the lovely forest! _Well, it wasn't as if he had never done it before. He had done it so many times with Ian he had lost count. Alex blinked back tears at the thought of Ian. _You've got to stay strong_, Alex reprimanded himself. _Ian wouldn't want to see you like this._

_"Well, if Ian wouldn't want to see you like this, how do you think he felt after seeing you trying to end your life so many times?" _A little voice at the back of his mind whispered. Alex frowned. It was a good question. As he was pondering over it, he walked straight into Wolf.

"What?" Wolf snapped, turning around and seeing Alex. "Oh. It's you." Wolf said, a little guilty at snapping at Alex, then realising that he had probably sounded even more intimidating after saying those words. Alex just shrugged and continued his way deeper into the forest. Wolf made an exasperated noise, and Snake rolled his eyes, stepping in front of Wolf just in case he got a little violent. Wolf just clenched his fists and continued walking to their campsite. He was pondering over the things that had just happened. Why was he being so kind to Alex? Just because he was such a jerk to Alex the first time he was here, why was he treating Alex like an old comrade? What was so special about him that had compelled him to be so much nicer to him than before? Did he feel obliged to behave this way, as a way of apologising? He was just a brat, after all, right? Was Alex a brat? He thought back to previous interactions, and grudgingly admitted that it was a negative. No, he wasn't. _Argh, this is so confusing! _Wolf knew something was off with Alex, as did the rest of the unit, but they could not figure out what. Sure, Alex had definitely changed, but there were not obvious clues about anything strange about him.

Alex was thinking the same thing too. He was wondering about his erratic behaviour. He had not contemplated suicide for over 24 hours already; this was very strange. Why was he changing? Did he even _want _to change? It felt...good to not think about dying every couple of minutes. K-unit had been very kind to him already; especially Wolf. Wolf's behaviour this time was most surprising, to say the least. His own behaviour was surprising too. It was like _he _was being the bipolar one. Sometimes, he would be the fearless, experienced spy. Other times would find him being the scared child. He admitted that it was a little crazy. What was wrong with him? Maybe he _should _just kill himself. These confusing thoughts were overwhelming him. Was he going crazy? He wasn't surprised if he did. Anyway, he suspected that K-unit was just pretending. They never really cared about him, did they? _No, _he thought, _they were just acting. _Knitting his eyebrows, he tried to clear his head and think straight, and to have a clearer mind before pondering over this very confusing issue, but to no avail. Finally, just when they were settling down at their campsite, he had already made up his mind.

He decided he would do it that night.

* * *

><p><strong>Alright, finally some plot development! So he's going to attempt again, eh? Will he succeed? Or will he hold back? Stay tuned for the next chapter! I'm really hyped now. I love this story to bits, honest. And just... wow. The number of people reviewing is just really, really, really awesome! I know this chapter doesn't meet my usual chapter length, but it gets exciting in the subsequent chapters. I really hope you've enjoyed this story so far, and please continue to review. I really enjoy reading all your comments. <strong>

**Love, **  
><strong>Syd<strong>

**(P.S. Ben will enter the picture **_**very **_**soon, so please review and tell me if you're excited! :D)**


	8. A Missed Chance

**Hey guys! I'm terribly sorry! It's been about three weeks since I've updated, and I'm feeling really really guilty now. It's just the test and exams and projects that have been forcibly plonked on my head, and I didn't have time to write. This chapter is a little pathetic, but I hope it'll suffice, at least for now. And I'm sorry to say that Ben isn't here yet, but I'm getting there! I'm getting there. **

**Enjoy!**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Eight <strong>

_Knitting his eyebrows, he tried to clear his head and think straight, and to have a clearer mind before pondering over this very confusing issue, but to no avail. Finally, just when they were settling down at their campsite, he had already made up his mind._

_He decided he would do it that night._

* * *

><p>It was tough living in the wild, but the SAS soldiers and MI6 spy handled their plight with professionalism and efficiency. Well, maybe with the exception of Eagle, who had unintentionally lost their map ("<em>Again<em>, Eagle?" _"Who entrusted Eagle with the map?" _"Uh...I didn't know that Eagle had a knack of losing things." "Well, you know now!" "Shut up, Eagle."). It was actually quite enjoyable, even for a world-weary Alex. He had begun doubting his decision to attempt suicide, but he combated these thoughts with insistent reminders that this was just a mean to an end. He would see his family soon.

"Cub? Did you even listen to me?" Wolf sliced through his thoughts easily. Alex swivelled his head and looked at Wolf with empty eyes. He had reverted to his old persona that they all got to know a couple of days ago, and Wolf didn't like it one bit. He unwittingly shivered a little; his stare was so _lifeless_. It was like Alex had died emotionally, and this was just his outer shell. Snake looked at Alex, and felt the same thing.

"Cub?" Snake asked, his voice laced with worry and confusion.

"Yes?" Everyone flinched and turned to look at Alex. The reply was sharp, curt and swift; they had never heard Alex speak like that. He sounded so broken; and they were _very _curious as to why he sounded like that.

"Are you alright?" Wolf asked uncharacteristically. His unit members blinked in surprise, and Alex raised an eyebrow. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"You sound...dead." Ah, the old, blunt Wolf was back.

"I don't," Alex denied.

Wolf frowned, but didn't pursue it. That same part of Alex was disappointed, and tried desperately to escape from Alex's suicidal self, but in vain. His mind _was _messed up, and this was the consequence. Frustrated, he went back to what he was doing before- helping to set up the campsite. He was in charge of tying the knots that would put the tent in place. Thankfully, Wolf and Snake had already finished pegging and were helping him.

"Where's Eagle and Cheetah?" Alex asked, changing the subject.

Wolf narrowed his eyes. "I knew you haven't been listening to me."

Snake's response was kinder. "They've gone to forage for firewood and water." Alex nodded his head to show that he understood. He deftly finished the last knot, and they all stepped back to admire their work.

"Not bad," Wolf muttered, and started to shift all their bags into the middle of the tent. Wrapping the bags with the groundsheet, he busied himself with figuring out their route to take later on in the day. They were supposed to rendezvous with three other units, one of them being L-unit, at Area Yankee, which was pretty far from where they were. Once again, he cursed Eagle and Cub for losing their map.

Speaking of Eagle, they had gotten back from their trip, with little to no firewood, but plenty of water. "There's a stream up ahead," Eagle informed them.

"And the firewood?"

"Well, uh..."

"We couldn't find much," Cheetah admitted. Wolf let out a groan of frustration. "I'll get them myself," and with that, he stalked off.

"Wait!" Snake cried out, but Wolf ignored him. "He can't go alone. No one will be there to keep his temper and impulsivity in check," Snake said worriedly.

"I'll go," Cheetah offered, "and you three stay here."

"I'm not dealing with Eagle alone," Snake objected. "Cub, can you go after our fearless leader?"

Alex blinked. Snake had to be joking. "What?"

Snake sighed. "Look, as much as I don't want Wolf to explode on you, you two really need to work things out. I mean, we don't really have qualms with you being a member of our unit, but Wolf obviously had, and probably still has. Just take this as an opportunity to make up, alright?" He smiled before adding, "Who knows? Wolf might even apologise for what he did to you the last time." Alex immediately thought back to the Killing House. He grimaced. How bad could it be? He was killing himself anyway; he might as well die with no regrets. Much to everyone's surprise and relief, he nodded.

"Hurry; I don't see him, but he couldn't have gotten far," Snake said, pointing in the direction that Wolf stormed to.

"I know," Alex stated curtly, and walked off in Wolf's direction. He felt everyone's eyes on him, and only relaxed until he was sure that they couldn't see him anymore. He had had an epiphany. He could do it now, and no one would know. He only had to worry about Wolf stumbling on him and catching him in the act, but he could always kill himself before Wolf could interrogate him or something like that. He smiled, a crazy grin spreading over his face. Alex Rider never really smiled since that day. He shut his eyes, remembering all the happy times he had spent with his loved ones, and the scenes when they died, drawing courage as the seconds passed. He imagined himself being with them, like all the other times.

However, he couldn't do it this time around.

He growled in frustration. Why couldn't he do it? What happened to him? Why had he lost much of his desire to kill himself? He used to be so passionate about death after Sabina and her parents. He had went totally berserk, and was even sedated by MI6 for two weeks. He had a hard time reigning his emotions in; all the rage and grief against the world that was bottled inside of him chose to make an appearance then.

Alex cursed when he heard Wolf's footsteps. Quickly, he lightly slashed a non-descript cut into his wrist, just to comfort himself. He pocketed the knife and glared at Wolf. He'd lost his chance.

"What are you looking at?" Wolf snarled, balancing a few dried logs on his arms, "and where are the rest?"

"I was sent to look for you." Alex's calm demeanour was unsettling. Wolf had no way to know about Alex's sudden bitter resentment towards him.

"They told you to look for me? Ha, I'm not a child; they don't have to look for me."

"Your reply is evidence of your foolishness," Alex snapped. "You've strayed from your responsibilities as the leader of the unit."

"Who are you to talk to me like that!" Wolf exploded. "I've been very patient with you. I've not been picking on you. But you insist on unnerving me in every way possible!"

Alex ignored him and walked back to the campsite.

"You brat! I'm not done!"

"Keep that temper of yours in check," Alex called out coldly, leading the way back. Wolf hastened his footsteps, growling. Snake's plan had backfired miserably.

The tension was palpable back at the campsite. The rest of the unit knew that something was wrong when the two returned, one emotionless; the other, furious. This carried on throughout their preparations, and lasted even when the final rays of the sun had disappeared.

"What happened?" Eagle asked Alex in a furtive but indiscreet whisper. Alex regarded him with annoyance, and did not reply, so poor Eagle retreated back to discuss it with Cheetah and Snake. Wolf, all on his lonesome, was cleaning his gun. _If he keeps this up the gun will be reduced to nothing by morning_, Alex thought, crawling into the tent. The Sergeant did not bother providing sleeping bags for them; mere, threadbare blankets were all they had. He was all alone in the tent, and he was glad for the privacy. His mind was a whirlwind of thoughts and debates. _Shall I...attempt again? _He decided that he could not. Not yet. _In the morning_, he promised himself, _in the morning._

* * *

><p><strong>I can already feel all the rotten tomatoes being thrown at me. I'm sorry! I think I'm a terrible, inconsistent author. My styles of writing keep changing depending on my mood and the books I've read. [You might notice Alex speaking rather weirdly in here. I do believe I've been influenced by <strong>_**Dancing Jax**_** by Robin Jarvis. Have you guys ever read it? It's creepy and cool on so many different levels.] I hope the suicidal Alex element is still here though. I think I might be writing about a more angsty Alex instead of the cold, suicidal Alex that I've been wanting to express and bring across. Oh well, I'm a budding writer. **

**Please feel free to give feedback, however harsh they might be! [Just kidding. I'm an angsty person myself, and I do take many things to heart. But I try.]**

**Thank you, and please review!**

**Love,**

**-Syd**


	9. The Empty House

**Hey guys! Thanks for all your kind support so far! To thank all of you, I've decided to bring Ben's appearance forward. He was supposed to appear in chapter ten, but I was really happy reading the reviews, and so I've included Ben in this chapter! Ben's the star of this chapter, so don't you worry. And you didn't have to wait long for this chapter, did you? I've stayed up late for this one. **

**Enjoy, and I hope you like it!**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Nine<strong>

_The Sergeant did not bother providing sleeping bags for them; mere, threadbare blankets were all they had. He was all alone in the tent, and he was glad for the privacy. His mind was a whirlwind of thoughts and debates. Shall I...attempt again? He decided that he could not. Not yet. _In the morning_, he promised himself, _in the morning_._

* * *

><p>The man looked about the house. It was strangely empty, but showed no signs of being worn down. Narrowing his eyes, he could <em>just<em> make out a fine layer of dust on...everything actually. The 'emergency pistol' that he was told about by Alex in the grandfather clock with a false bottom was gone, as well as the one in a hidden compartment in the kitchen counter. The living room was dusty, probably due to the occupant's negligence, but he was not the type to just leave things as they were and not tidy up his living quarters. As far as he knew, Alex was a very hygienic person, and hated if his furniture had dust or dirt on them. What happened to it? And more importantly, what happened to the occupant? He had been expecting, at the very least, an ambush. Strange to other people maybe, but it was perfectly normal to encounter such things in this house, especially if you break in.

He crept to the rooms, noiseless footsteps on the carpet, gun on standby. Empty. This was reminiscent of the trap that was set up in Middle East just for him a couple of months ago. He shivered at the recollection. Sweeping the house twice, he confirmed that the house was empty, and had been so since the previous week or so. The letters in the letterbox confirmed that- the poor metal tin was full to the brim. Another day and it would definitely overflow. The dates of the letters were also proof of the occupant's disappearance. He feared the worst, and anxiety and worry began bubbling in his chest. _Oh no._

Whipping his phone out of his pocket, he frantically dialled the number he had memorised for so long, but yet so unreliable.

"You have reached voicemail number-"

Swearing, he paced up and down the corridors, anger building. He tried again.

"Hello?" _Yes!_

"Where is he?" he growled, staring at the furniture and the walls. There were no bloodstains. Kidnapped, maybe?

"Who?"

"Don't play games with me," he snarled into the phone, not caring what it might do to his career anymore. He had no time for such frivolous thoughts. He made a promise; he would keep it.

"About?" Ben could hear the sheer mockery in that word, though he could not pick up the undertones of anxiety in the voice. Incensed, he waited impatiently, making no reply.

"Come to the office," the voice sighed in defeat, and killed the call. Triumph flashed across his face, but seconds later, worry settled in once more. He hastened his footsteps, and got into his car. Something was definitely up.

* * *

><p>In her office, Mrs Jones was pacing up and down, behind the big table. She had feared his reaction. She wanted to keep it a secret for as long as possible, and the end had finally come. <em>He must really care for Alex. That was probably the first thing he did when he was discharged from hospital with those gunshot wounds from the Middle East. <em>

She sighed. He had to know the truth. About everything.

She did not have to wait any longer, for the door had burst open in the most explosive action. _A knock would have been nice, _she thought grimly, staring into the once-warm eyes of Ben Daniels. "Show some restraint, Daniels," she snapped, "or else you will not get anything out of me." She still _had _to show him who was in charge. After all, they could not risk a...discipline problem, and she only had so much tolerance for her agents who showed her the slightest disrespect. Alex Rider, of course, was an exception. He was always an exception.

A flicker of annoyance passed across Ben's face, but he composed himself and responded with a meek, "Yes ma'am." That seemed to appease Mrs Jones, for she motioned for him to sit down, and did the same.

"I want you to control yourself," Mrs Jones started. Ben stared back at her.

"What did you do to him?" Ben asked.

"Did I make myself clear?" Mrs Jones asked firmly, making it clear she was not going to continue until she got her answer.

Ben nodded, emotionless.

"Good. Ever since you left, Alex had trouble...controlling himself, I would say. We had to take measures to make sure that he would not hurt himself."

Ben's eyes widened. He had immediately understood the implications of her words; the darker meaning; the euphemisms. _Bloody hell. _

"He...attempted to kill himself...didn't he?"

"Unfortunately," Mrs Jones said, flippant tone masking the true concern and regret she felt for Alex. Ben's eyes flashed warningly. _Oh my god. Oh my god. Alex..._

"How many times?" he gritted through his teeth, leaning forwards. He was afraid of the answer. _Please, Alex. Please..._

Mrs Jones was unable to give the exact number. There was a long pause before she opened her mouth. "...Countless."

Ben fell back in his chair. "What did you _do _to him?" he breathed, trying to quell the rising emotions in his heart. Alex... suicidal. Scarily, he did not find it strange. Yet, it was upsetting. No- upsetting was too mild a term. His thoughts mulled over the appropriate word to describe it, but he had nothing. _Alex Rider, you idiot! _

"Alex attempted suicide," Ben stated, more to himself than anybody else. Mrs Jones nodded gravely.

"Did he see a psychiatrist?"

"Yes. It did not work."

Ben was speechless.

"Then where did you send him? Why is he not at home?" he asked after an awkward stretch of silence. He was still bewildered.

Mrs Jones looked away.

"Where the hell did you send him!" Ben yelled.

"Agent Daniels!" Mrs Jones snapped, "This is unacceptable!" His eyes widened as he saw Mrs Jones' eyes become misty. _What the hell was going on?_

"Ma'am... Please, tell me where you sent him." he pleaded. He didn't care about professionalism anymore, or his imminent promotion. He just needed answers. Right now.

Still, there was no reply.

"You...you killed him? To release him from the pain?" Ben whispered, clawing at the cloth over his heart.

"No!" Mrs Jones exclaimed, "I would _never _do that!" _Yes you would, _Ben silently rebutted. _To any other agent you would. All agents were expendable. Except Alex. That's why you kept using him. _

"Then...where on earth is he?"

Mrs Jones drew a sharp breath. Ben leaned in, straining his ears to hear Mrs Jones.

"Beacons. Brecon Beacons."

"No..."

"Yes. The SAS."

Ben's heart could have stopped from shock. _You inhumane lunatic! _he screamed in his mind, _What is wrong with you? The last thing Alex needs is training!_

"We sent him there to protect him," Mrs Jones defended, looking uncertainly at Ben.

"Protect him?" Ben repeated, disbelief flooding his mind.

"A whole camp of well-trained professionals protecting Alex would be most-"

"Are you out of your mind? Alex _cannot_ have the training, especially when he's in such a fragile state of mind! This is what's going to kill him- more memories of the past! You're practically pushing him to kill himself! And you think K-unit and the rest of them are going to care about Alex's _feelings_? Did you know how much bullying _normal _Alex suffered there? Now that Alex is suicidal, it's going to be even worse; disastrous, if I do say so myself!" an enraged Ben yelled, the tirade shocking her.

"Daniels!" Mrs Jones cried. This was absolutely unacceptable- this was the second agent who had the guts to yell at the Head of MI6. If she tolerated anymore, the receptionist would be asking her to serve her tea and crumpets next!

"I'm sorry, but you have definitely made the wrong choice."

"What's done is done."

"Take him out."

"No. That cannot be arranged, until there is absolute proof that he is truly being pushed even further to suicide by the soldiers."

Ben took a shaky breath. "Let me see him then."

"What?"

"Let me see him. Allow me to go to Beacons and see him; let me talk to him. I can calm him down. I can help him."

"That is not possible."

"Yes, it is. I am the only one in this world that he can trust now," Ben retorted. _Or so I hope he trusts me. Or else, he'll really have no one. _

Mrs Jones bit the inside of her cheek. _And I am partly responsible for allowing Agent Daniels to have this honour bestowed upon him. _She cast an uncertain glance towards the agent. "Are you sure?"

He shook his head. "I'm not sure, but I do believe I'd be a much better solution than a bunch of cold-hearted, battle-ready soldiers who are more than ready to pick on kids. I made a promise to keep him safe and take care of him."

"Making promises you cannot keep is one thing you should never do, and one mistake you should learn from."

"I will keep _this _promise," Ben said firmly, making it clear that he had already made up his mind.

Mrs Jones sighed, she had lost this battle, and perhaps not totally unwillingly. She needed Alex to get back on his feet. After all, after all that he had been through and experienced, he was a teenager. He deserved to live. He deserved to have a chance to pick up the broken pieces that was his life and start anew.

"Transport will be arranged. I'll inform the Sergeant that you will be returning for extra training."

Ben allowed himself a small smile; a slight twitch of the lips that Mrs Jones noticed anyway. (She would let it slide for now.) Internally, however. Ben winced. He most certainly did not sign up for the extra training, but he had to do it for Alex. _Always for Alex. _

"One month is all you have to convince Alex. After that, if you don't succeed, you will return back to your original duties. You still have paperwork due from the Syria mission. If I'm not wrong, the report is due soon. The deadline shall be postponed until further notice. If the Prime Minister deems it urgent, you will still have to come back and submit the report by the original deadline."

"Yes ma'am!" Ben answered, visibly happy with the arrangements.

"Then I advise you to pack your bags. You leave in three days. You will be further briefed before you go to Beacons."

Ben nodded, and turned to leave, but thought of one last thing to ask.

"Do any of them...the Sergeant or K-unit, know about Alex's...current state of mind?"

Mrs Jones shook her head. "The lesser people know, the better."

Ben gritted his teeth, his anger returning, and all happiness dissipating once more. He did not get discharged from hospital just to get thrown into this mess again. Bullying would definitely be out in full force without this knowledge. If they knew about it, then they would at least tread carefully to avoid any _accidents_. Great. Just what he needed. He stalked out of the office, visibly incensed. Other fellow agents stared at him as he stormed into the lobby and into the outdoor car park. Clients, both in the know and totally innocent, stared strangely at the furious-looking man. Some agents whom he had made friends with, if they could be called that, called after him, but they were all ignored.

"Jones probably pissed him off again," they whispered.

Ben slammed the car door and drove off back to his home. He had to get ready for the trip. The first thing he had to do first, though, was to shop. Turning another bend, he recalled the time when Alex was in hospital. He had been told something really important; something he had to buy. Ben smiled grimly as he eased into a car park lot, and stared up at the huge departmental store he had arrived at. He really hoped it would work.

After running that errand, he drove off once again for his house. Due to convenience, he had moved into a smaller apartment near the bank. He missed his old home in Liverpool though. _I should bring Alex there someday. To visit my parents or something_. He frowned. _If I succeed. No-_when _I succeed. Alex, don't worry. You've got me. _

At his home, he neatly packed all that he would need into an old bag. He found his former SAS uniform collecting dust like everything else in his house. He never really got around to cleaning his apartment; he spent much more time out of it than in it anyway.

"I should really get started," he mused, but how could he engage in such normal activity when Alex was out there enduring the hardships in at Brecon Beacons? (With a suicidal mind, no less.)

"I'd better get my mind off Alex before I go berserk," he told himself, "at least for now. You'll worry about it in the morning."

His house and dust lay forgotten, as he collapsed rather ungracefully on his bed. _I should probably get some sleep first. _

* * *

><p><strong>And this concludes Chapter Nine! Did you like it? I hope you did. I also hope you liked the Ben-and-Mrs-Jones scene. I have to admit, I was puzzling over how to convey their feelings. Would Ben be emotional or stoic? And what about Mrs Jones? So I had to think for quite a while before I could actually write it out. <strong>

**Thanks for reading, and I hope you'll review on your way out! **

**Love,**

**-Syd**


	10. Wanted: Alex Rider

**Hey guys! Thanks for all your reviews- they have been fantastic, as usual. So here's Chapter Ten! Hope you enjoy it, and please review :D**

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><p><strong>Chapter Ten<strong>

_"I'd better get my mind off Alex before I go berserk," he told himself, "at least for now. You'll worry about it in the morning."_

_His house and dust lay forgotten, as he collapsed rather ungracefully on his bed. _I should probably get some sleep first.

* * *

><p>It was daybreak. The sky was streaked with the first nuances of orange and hues of pink. The light shadows cast gentle, grey images on the forest floor. Silence pervaded every corner of the forest, except for the little sounds that plagued the soldiers' ears- especially the crickets and the frogs. Wolf sat up, and being the first to wake up, he set about finding breakfast. He stepped over the sleeping men- Snake, Cheetah, Eagle... His eyes widened. <em>Where's Cub?<em>

Cursing loudly, he shook everyone awake, raising his voice and telling them to get up _pronto_.

"What?" Snake grumbled, "we're trying to sleep. It's only what? Six?"

"Don't get your knickers in a twist," Eagle piped up. Cheetah groaned. Did Eagle always have to say something like that? He had sworn a long time ago that Eagle had been dropped on the head as a baby multiple times. He shook his head. If it weren't for his admiration for his other teammates and his pride to be in the SAS, he would've left the service the day he met Eagle.

"Listen!" Wolf said angrily, "Cub's missing."

The reactions were comical. Three pairs of eyes widened simultaneously, with Snake letting out a rare curse, Eagle flopping back on the ground, and Cheetah springing up from the ground, a worried expression etched on his face. "We've got to find him," Snake said, a determined look in his eyes.

Wolf scoffed, wondering why he was even making such a big fuss about him. He was horrified at the prospect of him going soft. "He'll...probably come back sooner or later. Stupid liability."

"He's a kid," Snake pointed out.

"He's been here before."

"Yeah. A couple of years ago. He probably doesn't remember anymore. And besides, he didn't even have proper training. Just a crash course."

"I...have a bad feeling," Cheetah admitted. Everyone stared, as he opened his mouth and started talking again.

"I mean, why would he wander off again? He did it the last time; the first day, was it? If I remember correctly, this place isn't far from where we found him. On first day, I mean."

Everyone exchanged worried looks. Cheetah was talking a lot, and it was still morning. Cheetah was always the quietest in the morning. What was he insinuating? That Cub was up to something?

"Surely you're over thinking," Wolf argued, doubt lacing his voice.

"I agree with Cheetah. I mean, it's too much of a coincidence, isn't it? How Cub can just disappear like that? Sure, he was shunning us, but he was usually within shouting distance. Now, it's like he just disappeared off the face of the Earth," Eagle said thoughtfully.

"That actually sounded mature," Wolf mocked.

"I'm worried for the kid, alright?" Eagle defended, "and I can be mature when the situation calls for it."

Wolf nodded, refusing to argue any further. His unit mates _did _make sense, and as reluctant as he was to admit it, he was pretty worried. There were booby traps all around the forest..._Shit. _Cub didn't know there were booby traps in the forest.

"We need to move fast," Wolf commanded, "Cheetah, come with me. You remember the place where Eagle found him, right? Good, at least we'll start somewhere. Snake and Eagle, you stay here in case he comes back."

Everyone nodded readily, and Wolf and Cheetah sat out. Snake, realising that it was a serious situation, did not comment about the fact that he was left behind with Eagle. Anyway, Eagle was proving to be much more mature than everyone originally thought. This was probably why he was still in the SAS. Well, good for Eagle, but bad for him. _I just hope he doesn't try to drive me crazy before they come back. __With_ _Cub. _

* * *

><p>"Stupid kid," Wolf muttered under his breath, quick footsteps making quite a bit of noise on the ground. Cheetah winced as another twig snapped.<p>

"Stop it," Cheetah said, "if Cub ran away deliberately, we can't let him know that we're after him. He'll just hide, and then we'll never be able to find him."

Wolf nodded, slightly sheepish at his muddle-headedness. "Right. Of course."

Cheetah raised an eyebrow. "Are you sure you're okay? You're acting rather weirdly."

"I'm fine," Wolf snapped. Cheetah smiled wryly, and followed Wolf, who was stalking away, silently this time.

_I just hope we find him soon. _

* * *

><p>The car sped down the road, whizzing past barren land, lakes, forests and architecture, determined to reach its destination on time. Inside, Henderson, the driver, was perspiring. This job was more demanding than he thought. First it was Alex, all silent and scary, and now it was some Ben bloke glaring at him, seething in the back seat.<p>

"How much longer?" Ben asked, impatient.

Henderson turned around for a second to glare at Ben in return. "I'm trying not to break the law. If I speed up, we're both going to get in trouble, and your business will be delayed," he said curtly, "so I suggest you sit back and wait."

Ben slunk back in his seat, visibly miffed at the telling-off and at the fact that Henderson was right.

"I'm sorry," Ben apologised, "I'm just...very anxious."

Henderson smiled. "For Alex?"

Ben sat up straight. "How did you know?"

"I sent him to Brecon Beacons a few days ago, and I sort of made the link."

Ben sighed heavily. "You have no idea."

"Take care of the kid, will you?" Henderson asked quietly, "he's...rather peculiar, and a little scary. Especially his eyes. Haunting eyes. I can tell he's been through a lot. Help him out."

"I will," Ben promised, and looked out of the window. Mrs Jones had kindly brought forward his arrival at Brecon Beacons, causing a bit of a rush about the house, but he made it to the car. He thought about what he was just told. _Haunting eyes. Oh Alex, whatever happened to you?_

"We're here," Henderson sighed, pulling up. They had just made it past security, with the guard on duty finding Ben familiar and then growing excited when he recognised Ben as Fox.

"Thank you," Ben nodded, and got out of the car with his shabbily-packed bags. He hoisted them on his shoulder and marched to the Sergeant's hut, a little nervous.

A knock. "Come in!" a familiar voice bellowed. Ben had to suppress a grin as he opened the door, eyes meeting a rather apprehensive Sergeant sitting at his table.

"Fox," Sergeant nodded, as Ben saluted. "Nice to have you back. I have no idea why Mrs Jones wanted you back for extra training, but you'll have to wait for K-unit. They're having, with the other units, a wilderness exercise in the forest. This means you are welcome to try the empty obstacle course-"

"Sir," Ben cut in, "is Cub with K-unit?"

"Yes. Don't interrupt me-"

"I'm sorry sir, but it is vital that I find him as soon as possible."

Sergeant glared at Ben, annoyed. "Why?"

"The situation is quite...shocking. I'll have to explain on the way to the forest."

"No. Whatever you have to say, say it right here, right now."

And so Ben did.

With each word, the Sergeant grow more horrified, and by the end of Ben's short little speech, the Sergeant was standing up, gaping at Ben.

"You have got to be kidding me, soldier," Sergeant said after a while.

"I'm not, sir. This is why we have to find him quickly, before anything happens."

"So that's why Cub was sent here? To save him from himself?"

"Yes sir."

"What twisted logic!" the Sergeant yelled.

Ben nodded, a small smile tugging at his lips. He wasn't the only one who thought Mrs Jones had lost her marbles. But then again, who didn't?

The Sergeant composed himself and nodded his head. "I trust you. I'll send the emergency signal for K-unit to come back and be excused from the exercise."

"May I request permission to head into the forest to search for Cub?"

The Sergeant shook his head, and Ben's face fell. "You cannot go alone. We need to send a search party, not just one person."

Ben nodded hesitantly, saluted, and walked out. He entered K-unit's hut, where an extra bed had already been arranged for him. He slammed his bags down in frustration. He _had _to find Alex on his own. A bunch of SAS goons were not going to find Alex. Alex was a trained agent- if he did not want to be found, he would not. It took a spy to outwit a spy, and as impossible as it sounded, Ben was going to outwit Alex.

"I don't need to follow his orders," Ben smiled to himself, "I'm MI6 now."

And with that, he jogged out of the hut, and into the forest.

* * *

><p>Wolf and Cheetah stared at each other, and back at their walkie talkies.<p>

"I don't believe this," Wolf cried, throwing his hands up in the air. "First we lose Cub, and then we get called back?"

"It's probably something important. Maybe they've found Cub?"

"If they found him they would've said so. Come on let's go back."

"What about Cub?"

Wolf smacked his forehead. "Which higher entity did I offend to deserve this?"

Cheetah shook his head. "Come on, I'm sick of talking and not doing anything. We'll find Cub first, and then go back."

He relayed the message to an equally puzzled Snake and Eagle, who in turn relayed the message back to the also said that they had tried to locate Cub's walkie talkie but they realised that he had left his back at the campsite.

"Foolish prat," Wolf muttered for the hundredth time that morning. They still couldn't find him. "I don't know what he's up to, but when I get my hands on him, he'll be sure to regret it."

Back in his office, the Sergeant was paling. Cub was missing. This was bad. Very bad. He ran out of his office, and went to look for Ben, but could not find him either. An eloquent curse summed up his feelings, and he ran back to the office to make a very urgent call.

This was definitely not his day.

* * *

><p><strong>So... how was it? I hope you all enjoyed it. I have to admit, I like the last part. And sorry if the chapter's a bit short. <strong>

**So, please review and tell me what you think! Chapter Eleven will be coming soon. **

**Love,**

**Syd**


	11. Hesitation, Flashbacks, and Angst

**Hey people! I have to say, I am absolutely delighted after reading all your reviews. I mean, I have a few typos here and there, and it is rather rushed... I sound like someone with low self-esteem, don't I? Oh well. I might correct these little mistakes afterwards...when I'm free. Oh my god, my workload is amazing. Plus all the time spent on Facebook and Twitter and my blog and work and books and drawing and work and blog and...well you get the picture, but never mind that. Let's get on with the story!**

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><p><strong>Chapter Eleven<strong>

_Back in his office, the Sergeant was paling. Cub was missing. This was bad. Very bad. He ran out of his office, and went to look for Ben, but could not find him either. An eloquent curse summed up his feelings, and he ran back to the office to make a very urgent call._

_This was definitely not his day._

* * *

><p>It was hard to get away from the camp. All night, he had waited for the right time- until the wee hours of the morning. The few dim rays of light were sufficient to beckon him from his strangely cosy spot and out into the open air. He had hesitated for a couple of minutes, but his mind was already made up, and that was all it took to guide him out of the tent. However, he had made the mistake of looking back.<p>

He had seen the blissful faces of K-unit.

They looked so vulnerable when they slept, and all were definitely far cries from their daytime personas. Wolf still had a ghost of a scowl on his face, but he was otherwise in the land of bunnies and rainbows, judging from his relaxed face. Snake's face was more emotionless and zen-like, but otherwise just like Wolf's. Cheetah...well he had the same expressionless face when he slept, so it didn't matter. Eagle looked surprisingly mature when he was sleeping. It probably was the trick of the light, but Alex could not bear to look anymore. His resolve was slipping, and he could not let that happen. Not on his life.

With hesitant but silent footsteps, Alex made his way out of the clearing, retracing his footsteps to the place where he had attempted before, on that very first day when he had run off.

He paused for a moment, and felt for the gun and knife in his pocket. It was still there, the cold metal pressing against his leg. He honestly preferred the knife, being addicted to the feeling of blood pumping out of his wrist, but then again, if he got found, he needed a quick death. Wolf's gun was laying conveniently beside him, so he had snatched it up. He allowed himself a small smile of triumph over his better judgment, and took off again.

Away from the clearing.

* * *

><p><em>Where the hell can he be? <em>Ben screamed in his mind, running through the forest, searching for any sign of Alex. The sun was coming up- it was getting brighter. He knew that Alex would attempt, if he did (which was most probably the case), in the morning when everyone was still sleeping. He prayed that it was not too late.

A rustle in the bushes alarmed him. He spun around, sharp ears detecting the direction of which the sound came from. He narrowed his eyes. It was most definitely not Alex- he was not that sloppy. A passing animal, maybe? He shook his head. There was no such thing as coincidences. He was sure that something was up, and he did not like it one bit. Alex had to be found fast.

"The nerve," Wolf muttered again. Cheetah smacked his forehead. "Will you stop it?" he hissed. He was really tired of the leader muttering to himself every few seconds. One, it simply irritated him. Two, Alex might hear him. And three, he had to open his mouth to shut Wolf up. He was unaccustomed to talking so much, and he was determined to stop. Whenever he was talkative, or talkative in Cheetah standards anyway, was when he was extremely happy, excited, or scared, or that something was very wrong- and by the looks of things, it was definitely the latter.

He'd pick the former anytime, though.

* * *

><p>Alex had found the perfect spot. It was secluded and surrounded by trees. There was enough space for him to do what he had to do, but enough foliage and vegetation to hide his body- unless someone looked really closely, of course. He'd rather just decompose and become nutrients for the dense vegetation than being found by anyone. He didn't want anyone to disturb him.<p>

Sitting down, with his back against a large tree, he fingered the knife that he had drawn from his pocket. It was am usually sharp, custom-made Swiss Army knife with 16 different tools, and he had gotten it from Tom, who decided that he needed a new one for his missions. _Tom. _That very name stung his heart. Tom had tried his best to get through to Alex after the Pleasures' death, but he had shut him out, for fear of becoming too attached. He knew all too well the consequences of such a thing, and did his best to keep Tom as far from him as possible. It worked- Tom had no choice but to give up. Tom's parents advised him (separately of course) to just let Alex be. They obviously did not know the extent of Alex's emotional injuries, but they wanted the best for Tom, and it hurt their hearts to see his best friend isolating himself from their baby boy. Tom returned to his home, lost and distraught. The seven-page farewell letter Tom painfully penned in his best handwriting was shredded and burnt, still unopened. They never talked again. Alex had regretted nothing.

Burying his head in his hands and shutting the image of a grinning Tom after a day of football from his head before the tears threatened to fall, he replayed the deaths of Sabina and her parents. The blood, the tears, the screams...the look on their faces when they realised that they were being assassinated. They haunted Alex day and night. Every girl was Sabina. Every kind couple on the street looked like Mr. and Mrs Pleasure. It was too painful to bear, and it got to the point when he started cutting himself. A small, accidental slash on the wrist while chopping vegetables back home in the middle of a flashback was what got him addicted. It was an accident, yes, but he felt good. He started doing it on purpose, and then it became like heroin. He simply could not get enough of it. His mind was in a daze. Why was it so addictive?

It was only two weeks later that he started slashing deeper. Almost deep enough to kill. He was discovered in time by his bodyguards, and was rushed to hospital. He refused to explain to Mrs Jones why he was doing it- he knew Mrs Jones knew anyway. It was child's play to link it to what happened. Mrs Jones demanded for 24/7 security in his house. He had to be watched by someone. A female agent was tasked to watch over him when he bathed or changed. He lost his dignity, pride, and privacy. That drove him to more frequent attempts to end his own life, all of them failing. He developed a hatred for Mrs Jones and his 'babysitters'. He detested their quick reflexes- they were what saved his body from more assaults by the knife, scissors, and other dangerous weapons. He trained harder, determined to be quicker than all of them, determined to finally be able to harm himself with something.

It failed every time.

He kept learning though. He figured that if he could continue behaving as normal as he could be, security would be more lax. Not because Mrs Jones commanded it though, but because the agents would think that he was just an ordinary child after all, and not follow Mrs Jones' instructions to the letter. That too failed. No amount of care he devoted to his appearance and grades could make the agents change their mindset of him needing maximum security- from himself. He was irritated and annoyed, but now, he finally had the chance to really fulfill that wish. Mrs Jones foolishly forgot to send extra security to Brecon Beacons, and he was going to seize this wonderful opportunity.

There was no turning back now.

* * *

><p>Ben approached the bush warily. What was that? Or maybe, who was that? He sincerely hoped it was Alex. Healthy and alive, and not...well...otherwise. He had no idea what he would do if Alex really did that. He didn't want to think about it. He stared hard at the bush, contemplating what could have caused that rustling. Well, only one way to find out. Reaching out, he parted the bushes.<p>

* * *

><p><strong>And, that concludes this chapter! I <strong>_**just **_**had to end it there! It was so tense, and I didn't want to reveal too much. Keep people on their toes, y'know? But I won't be that mean as to do that in the next chapter. I think. Hopefully it'll clear some stuff up. I've weaved some form of explanation in here, but it's not the whole thing. Do you want me to let Ben find Alex behind/in the bush, or do you want him to find that it was a false alarm and was only a squirrel or something? Please review and tell me what you think! It's 10pm now, and I need to continue with my homework. See you next week! Hopefully!**

**Love,**

**-Syd**


	12. Spilled Blood

**Hi guys...I'm sorry. (You've probably heard this a million times, but yeah.) I've been studying for my end-of-year examinations, and since they're **_**finally over**_**, I can spend a lot more time on this story! I've been thinking about giving up, but reading all your reviews help to spur me on to continue this story, so I'm immensely grateful to all of you who bother to read this story and review! It really means a lot to me. I shan't keep you waiting any longer, so here it is! I hope you'll enjoy it, and I would be extremely happy if you'd leave me a review!**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Twelve<strong>

_Ben approached the bush warily. What was that? Or maybe, who was that? He sincerely hoped it was Alex. Healthy and alive, and not...well...otherwise. He had no idea what he would do if Alex really did that. He didn't want to think about it. He stared hard at the bush, contemplating what could have caused that rustling. Well, only one way to find out. Reaching out, he parted the bushes._

* * *

><p><em>"Ben?" the boy asked, his question a little muffled by the dove-white blankets pulled all the way up to his nose. Ben affectionately pulled down the blankets to his chin.<em>

_"Yes?"_

_"Will you...stay with me?"_

_There was no hesitation in the reply. The boy's eyes lit up, and he shut them slowly, a smile spreading over his face. "Thank you."_

_"I'll stay," Ben reiterated, "I'll stay."_

* * *

><p>"What do you mean 'Cub is missing'?" Mrs Jones asked harshly over the telephone.<p>

The sergeant wriggled uncomfortably in his seat, glad that he wasn't seeing her face-to-face. "Cub disappeared during a routine wilderness exercise. K-unit reported his disappearance when they woke up in the morning to find him gone."

Mrs Jones fell back in her chair, a flurry of thoughts whizzing in her head. _Alex_, she thought, _why must you do this to yourself?_

"Send out a search party in the forest. I want him found alive. That is of utmost importance. Do you hear me, Sergeant?" Mrs Jones snapped harshly. There was an hidden message- a threat that need not be verbalised. The sergeant had to find him fast.

"Yes, ma'am!" He instructed the men present in his office to assemble a search party, and returned to the receiver, hoping that she had hung up.

She had not.

"Put Daniels on the phone."

The sergeant froze, looking furtively at the door. There was no one else in the office, thank goodness. He swallowed.

"Ma'am...he's missing, too."

And for the first time in his life, he realised that even the highly-trained and disciplined Mrs Jones could not resist the urge to slam her telephone down.

* * *

><p>"Wolf," Cheetah said sharply, hearing a barely audible rustle of the bushes to his far right. Wolf whipped his head around to look at Cheetah, the bushes, and back to his comrade.<p>

"Think he's in there?"

"Could be...strange place to hide though."

"Let's go," Wolf said, and before Cheetah could stop him, Wolf strode swiftly to the bushes and parted them, only to find himself face-to-face with a tiny, innocent-looking squirrel, as well as an old friend.

"Fox?"

Worried but determined eyes bore into shocked ones.

"Cub's in danger," Ben said, turning around, disappointment filling his heart.

"Why? And why are you here? "Weren't you binned?" Wolf asked, completely confused and shocked.

"No time to explain; no time for introductions either. Nice to meet you, Cheetah, but we really have to find Cub before he gets hurt." Cheetah nodded, puzzled.

"Cub's an idiot for taking off, but I want to know why you're here and how you know about Cub," Wolf demanded stubbornly.

"The Sergeant told me, Wolf!" Ben replied, exasperated, "Now is not the time to be difficult! Cub's going to _die!_"

Wolf stumbled into a stricken Cheetah. _"What?"_

"He's going to die if we don't find him fast, so hurry up and start searching!" Ben cried, furious.

"Why?"

"He's suicidal, okay? He's _suicidal. _I bet you never thought of that, or even noticed his odd behaviour! He has gone to kill himself!" Ben shouted, tears glistening in his eyes. He was getting disorientated and dizzy from emotion, stumbling around like an injured animal. "I promised to stay, I promised to take care of him..." he choked, "We've got to find him..._I've _got to find him."

And with that, he left the two stunned men and ran.

* * *

><p>It was against the professional code of conduct that MI6 agents upheld with much pride, but he could not even bother anymore. A little clumsily, he fell into a clearing, where it was abnormally quiet. His ears perked up; he could not hear a thing. Heart racing, he regained his composure, and decided that Alex was near. He could not have gotten very far, and quiet places were usually the most suspicious. Treading softly, he secured the perimeter and ventured further in.<p>

A couple of steps later, he spotted Alex. He was getting ready to do it, the blade of a knife reflecting sinister rays of light. Without hesitation, he burst forth.

"_No!_"

* * *

><p>He closed his eyes and felt the blade with his fingers. A little blood trickled down the small cut, and he relished every second of it. Caressing the handle with his right hand, he got ready to slash the left. It was time.<p>

Yet, he wasn't spared. He had heard a scream. It was a jumble of emotions: of fear, of anger, of passion...and of regret. He didn't have to turn around to know who that was.

"Ben." he said, back still facing him. There was something off about his voice. It was cold and unforgiving, with an underlying sense of sadness. Alex's hand wavered for a moment as emotion flooded him. The betrayal and anger he had felt when he realised Ben was gone returned in tidal waves, throbbing in his heart.

"Alex!" Ben cried, running towards him, but came to a halt as Alex spun around and lifted the knife threateningly over his wrist.

"Alex, please, don't do it."

"You never stayed." Alex replied, his voice soft and eerie. "You _promised_." He sounded like a child. A ghost child; like the ones in horror movies with soft, lofty, confident voices.

Ben felt a chill running up his spine. "I'm sorry Alex, but I really couldn't-"

"Couldn't? You couldn't stay to take care of me? Then why didn't you realise that earlier before you promised?"

There was a deathly silence. Drowned in guilt, Ben did not know how to react. Alex's lips tugged into a smirk. "Just like I thought."

Just then, Wolf and Cheetah burst into the scene. "Fox, what were you-" Wolf began, but his eyes fell on Alex. Or more specifically, the knife.

"Oh my god," Wolf whispered, overwhelmed. "Cub...why?"

"You stay out of this!" Alex shouted, hands trembling. He was near breaking point. This was not supposed to turn out this way. No one was to find out about him and his suicide.

"Calm down, kid..." Cheetah tried to say, but one glare silenced him. A maniacal laugh followed. "That's right, Cheetah, that's right...I'm a kid. A _bloody_ kid." He laughed again, the only one who seemed to think that his pun was funny. Everyone watched in horror as he slowly sliced his uniform in half, revealing a multitude of scars and burns. "A bloody kid," he repeated, as if they did not get it the first time.

"Alex-"

"Silence." Alex cut Ben off. "Since things have turned out this way, I might as well enjoy this.

"I'm pretty sure Wolf and Cheetah are very interested to know why I'm 'suicidal'." he started, gesturing with his hands, blade waving wildly and slashing the air. Everyone's eyes were on it, pupils following the movement."It's a really long story, but to make things short, I've had too much: seen too much, heard too much, and experienced one too many times the feeling of losing a loved one." He shuddered as he breathed in and out, and Ben could see tears pooling in his eyes.

"My parents, my uncle, Yassen -at this everyone widened their eyes, recognising that name- Jack, Sabina, her parents...and all those innocent people on my missions around the world," Alex continued, staring at the knife. He seemed to be in own little world, not caring about Ben, Wolf or Cheetah. "I needed a release. Cutting was perfect." He looked up and seemed to stare into all of their eyes at once. "It still is."

"You don't have to do this. I can still help you!" Ben cried desperately, a tear rolling down his cheek.

"No! I've trusted you before, and you betrayed me! You broke your promise! That was the last straw!" Alex bellowed. Ben looked as if he had been shot in the heart, and there was nothing that Wolf and Cheetah could do to prevent the onslaught of hurtful words.

"You promised, Ben! You told me that you would be there for me, that you would take care of me; you told me no one would be able to hurt me again! You lied! You left for that stupid mission! _You _hurt me!" he screamed.

"Cub! Stop it!" Wolf yelled, stalking over towards him. "You stop it right now!"

"Wolf!" Cheetah cried out, trying to grab his arm, but it was too late. Alex quickly exchanged the knife for the gun- Wolf's eyes widened when he saw that it was his- and pulled the trigger, the barrel aimed at his own heart.

Blood spilled on the grass, and time came to a stop.

* * *

><p><strong>I really hope this satisfies you until the next time I update! I really enjoyed writing it, and had a couple of times when I nearly cried just imagining the scene. The last sentence really hurt to write, but I had to do it. So...what do you think comes next? Will Alex die, or somehow miraculously live? It's up to you to guess while I work on the next chapter! <strong>

**Till next time, Syd. **

**(P.S. It's really cool how I have 199 reviews. I **_**would **_**be mean and wait till 200, but I think it's been too long.)**


	13. Restlessness

**Hey guys, here is Chapter Thirteen! I hope you enjoy it! Thanks for all the support you've given me thus far...and I'm really flattered that you guys have followed me all the way through. There are still a couple more chapters left before the story's wrapped up, so please enjoy, and don't forget to review! Also, I've written considerably more this time...I think it's about a thousand words more than the previous one. Enjoy!**

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><p><strong>Chapter Thirteen<strong>

_"Cub! Stop it!" Wolf yelled, stalking over towards him. "You stop it right now!"_

_"Wolf!" Cheetah cried out, trying to grab his arm, but it was too late. Alex quickly exchanged the knife for the gun- Wolf's eyes widened when he saw that it was his- and pulled the trigger._

_Blood spilled on the grass, and time came to a stop._

* * *

><p><em>The boy dropped to the ground, and everything seemed to be still, lying and watching. Helplessly, they saw him hit the ground with force, and lie still. Blood spurted out the open wound on his chest; the gun still in the dying boy's hands. Shouting, the agent rushed to the boy's side, openly crying. The leader and his comrade stood aside, not comprehending anything. Sounds of cloth ripping was heard, but not registered.<em>

_It was only a few minutes later that the search party found them, in the exact same positions. _

_The leader was stunned, his comrade shocked. _

_The agent was inconsolable; unprofessional; desperate. _

_The boy was still. _

* * *

><p>THE BABY GIGGLED. A small hand linked with a big one. The differences were obvious: one tiny, one huge; one smooth, one calloused; one fair, one tanned. The man smiled at the cheery baby.<p>

"Hello Al...I'm your father, John Rider."

Helen lay on the hospital bed, grinning from ear to ear. "He's a darling, isn't he?"

John carried the baby to her, and the baby was swamped with another pair of arms. He giggled again, and promptly fell asleep.

* * *

><p><em>Ben was stopped from entering the infirmary, where they were temporarily holding Alex while waiting for the helicopter to send him to hospital. <em>

_"I have to see him!" he screamed. _

_"Daniels, behave yourself!" The sergeant barked, "I haven't told Mrs Jones about your disappearance, but she is not happy at all, do you hear me?"_

_He didn't wait for any answer, but barged into the infirmary himself, demanding to be updated on Alex's condition. _

_"His condition is critical, sir, the bullet missed his heart for some reason, but it's penetrated the body all the way and bleeding badly...we need that helicopter now! We've bandaged the wound to the best of our ability, but we cannot perform an operation here," the frantic doctor replied, wringing his hands and shaking his head. _

_Outside, Ben was kneeling against the wall, with tears streaking down his face. _

_Wolf, Eagle, Snake and Cheetah stood beside him in silence, all thinking the same thing: _What happened to Cub?

* * *

><p>"Ian, can you bring me to the park?"<p>

"I'm busy, Alex."

"But Ian, I really want to go to the park. Can't you do your work afterwards?"

"Ask Jack to go with you."

"Jack's out buying groceries."

"Wait for her to come back."

"She takes forever to buy groceries! And she's no fun to play with in the park. You let me do all the fun stuff. Jack's always afraid I'll get hurt." Alex sniffed, stamping his little foot. Ian sighed and spun around on his chair to look at Alex.

"If I go with you today, Alex, promise me that you'll revise your Spanish and French again after dinner."

"I promise, Ian!"

"Good. And no foot-stamping again, please."

* * *

><p><em>The helicopter took forever to arrive- at least that was what it seemed like to everyone who knew about Alex. Alex was still unconscious when they rushed him out of the infirmary and into the helicopter. No one else except a doctor and two nurses were allowed to accompany Alex to the hospital. Not even the Sergeant could override that command, it being from Mrs. Jones herself. <em>

_A couple of feet away from the helicopter stood Ben and K-unit. He stared at Alex's lifeless body. He felt as if his heart had been wrenched from him, thrown on the ground and stamped all over. Alex's words were still ringing in his head. _

_Alex was right. He failed to take care of him; it was all his fault. And he was regretting every second of it. He closed his eyes, willing the tears go back into his eyes and never come out again. _

_He failed that, too. _

* * *

><p>"Come on, Alex, there's no time to lose...we've got to catch the movie before it's too late." Sabina whined, dragging him by his arm.<p>

"I want to look around," replied Alex as they followed Sabina's parents up the steps to the cinema.

"And _I_ want to get popcorn _and _be seated early, or else we'll have to jostle with everyone else...everyone comes late to movies for some reason. It's always the queue...the queue is really-"

"Fine, I get it!"

Laughing, they sprinted to the food queue, where Sabina's parents were looking at the two from. Smiling, Mr. Pleasure said to Mrs. Pleasure, "Well dear, it looks like Alex's finally becoming a normal teenager again."

* * *

><p><em>As soon as the helicopter touched back down on terra firma, Alex was rushed into the military hospital for an emergency operation. The doctors and nurses quickly gave the hospital's doctors and surgeons a rundown of what happened to Alex, and what condition Alex was in. He was still unconscious, and his condition was extremely critical. After wheeling Alex into the emergency operating theatre, the doctor reported it to the sergeant, and slumped in a chair outside. <em>

_"I really hope the kid's fine...a suicide on SAS grounds! This has never happened before."_

_"Poor kid...what was the sergeant thinking, allowing a kid into the camp? Didn't he know that the kid would get bullied? How did he survive training anyway?"_

_"I don't think it was the sergeant," the doctor said slowly."I've heard about the kid being linked to MI6."_

_The nurses looked at each other, and back at the doctor, speechless._

* * *

><p>THE RECOLLECTIONS WERE KILLING HIM. Why wasn't he dead? He shot himself and everything...he was sure he was dead- after all, all he could see was darkness- but why couldn't he stop remembering all happy times with his loved ones? Where was he anyway? Where was <em>everyone<em>? This didn't quite look like heaven or hell, but then again he never really knew what they looked like.

His whole body felt like lead, but it was numb. He couldn't move anything, and the only thing active was his brain, which seemed to be busy retrieving all the memories he thought he'd lost. They all began flooding back- the very few of his parents, the many outings with Ian, his first encounter with Tom, the three bullies at school, Sabina, her parents, Jack...everything. His missions came back to him too: none of the violence and danger though; only the rare happy memories when he was really enjoying himself. Wolf, Eagle, Snake and Cheetah appeared too.

* * *

><p><em>Wolf shot to his feet. "Don't talk to him like that!" he growled. Bear flinched and backed away fearfully. He had underestimated the concern Alex's unit mates felt for Alex; he had crossed the line.<em>

_"Get out of my sight," Wolf growled, and Bear took off, running, his unit hot on their leader's heels. All the other recruits stared, open-mouthed, and solemnly swore never to get on their bad side ever again. L-unit, along with the other soldiers, was grinning with satisfaction, congratulating Wolf on his intimidating performance. He smirked and glanced at Alex, who was still placidly eating._

_"Thanks," Alex said quietly. Part of him was annoyed that he had to have Wolf stand up for him, but the other part was touched. Wolf had stood up for him. It was really shocking that their unit's esteemed, cold-hearted leader was so kind to him this time around. He would never have imagined this the first time he was here..._

_It wasn't just the unit. It was _his _unit. And strangely, he was perfectly comfortable with that._

* * *

><p>Groaning with frustration in his head, he wondered what he had done wrong. He had slashed his wrist. He saw the blood before he fell unconscious. What happened?<p>

Suddenly, while he was thinking about this, all the memories of Ben came flooding back as well. The times during his first time at Beacons, at Dragon Nine, in the hospital, when Ben got him doughnuts, when he read a book to him, when he even sung a lullaby to him to get him to sleep...Alex found himself smiling inside despite his murderous hatred towards Ben. No, wait, he didn't feel any hatred towards anyone anymore...just at peace. Dead or not, he was on his own now, in the quiet, in the darkness, with nothing plaguing him. He had succeeded in killing himself, and wherever he was, he was glad it was away from Earth. He didn't really care if he was in heaven or hell, but it sure was comfortable, and he was perfectly contented this way. For now.

* * *

><p><em>"How is Alex?" Ben asked the Sergeant for the umpteenth time. Seething, the Sergeant spun around to glare at Ben. "I don't know, okay Daniels? Mrs. Jones' not answering my calls, and the hospital can't give any information because we don't have enough clearance or whatever nonsense that they cooked up, but I'm sure of one thing: they're definitely still working on him."<em>

_Ben remained silent, head still in his hands. The sergeant sighed, "I know the lead doctor. You can trust him, Daniels. He's revived so many of my men...Wolf was treated by him for his shoulder, too. Now look at Wolf, back to his normal, grouchy self. Ah, smile, that's better. Cherish this moment while you can, Daniels, I ain't going to be soft forever."_

_Ben could not help but laugh at that. The Sergeant, despite his tough exterior, cared for everyone, and had the tendency to go soft sometimes. Yes, he _would _cherish this moment. Now, it was time to keep his former unit up-to-date on Alex's affairs. He felt that they had the right to know...and could possibly help him gain back Alex's trust. _

_After being dismissed, he walked out of the Sergeant's office, heart a little lighter, but was greeted with K-unit at the door. _

_"Fox...I'm sorry." That was Wolf. Ben's eyes widened a little. Wolf _never _apologised to anyone whom he deemed unworthy, and Ben surely did not paint a picture of a masculine teammate. After all, he had left the unit to join MI6, and covered it up by telling them that he was binned._ And _he cried. Not a very worthy ex-SAS-turned-MI6-agent, huh?_

_Wolf didn't wait for his reply. "If I didn't act so impulsively, then Cub might not have...y'know..."_

_"Wolf," Ben replied, eyes sad, "even if you didn't do that, Alex would have attempted anyway."_

_There was a short moment of silence between the five men. Even the usually cheery Eagle looked like he had been crying. _

_"So...Cub's name is Alex?" Wolf tried again, clearing his throat to break the awkward silence. _

_"Yes."_

_"Alex," Snake repeated. "Suits the kid."_

_"Sounds really cool and James Bond-ish," Eagle replied swiftly, hoping to cheer them up, but it only served to darken Ben's eyes. _

_"There's...something I need to tell you four."_

* * *

><p>A COUPLE OF HOURS LATER, Alex was restless. He still couldn't move, but he had been thinking about all the memories that he had remembered, and realised that he <em>wasn't <em>at peace. He would never be; dead or alive. If he was dead now, he wouldn't be able to think. Cold, hard science facts told him that. If he was dead, his brain would have been dead too. No, he was alive. Which meant that he was probably comatose or something; he missed his ability to move around. He missed talking to people, even if it meant giving one-word answers or listening to rants and speeches that assaulted his ears. Everything was so unanimated now, so still. He didn't like it one bit. He breathed in and out: probably the only thing that he could move now. He recalled the reason why he wasn't dead: at that split second, he had jerked his arm a little lower, so it probably missed his heart. He didn't know why he did it, but he was thankful for it.

Mentally swallowing his pride, he admitted that he missed people caring for him. When they were in the forest, Ben, Wolf and Cheetah clearly cared for him; he just didn't want to accept that. He was probably lying in some hospital, so the doctors and nurses cared for him, right? And the Sergeant...he always knew the Sergeant had a soft side. He'd seen it once or twice, and it was a wonderful feeling to be cared about by someone so tough and mighty. Mrs Jones had a soft spot for him too...funny how the head of MI6 cared for him (it was a great feeling though). And Tom...who could forget him? H had called him so many times he lost count, but Alex had totally shut him out from his world; he was sure that the only reason Tom stopped calling him was because he was racking up a wonderful phone bill of overseas calls. Oh who was he kidding? He missed everyone. He thirsted for someone whom he could confide in, to laugh with, to take care of him. He was tired of being independent and alone. He had dwelled on the past, and didn't look towards the future, when he could have found new people to care about, new people to fight for, and could have been with the old ones who never left his side.

And so, for the first time in his life, he regretted killing himself.

* * *

><p><strong>Yup, so that was chapter thirteen! I hope it was nice enough for you guys to review! And like I said, the story's ending, so please don't be shocked when I say: 'this is the last chapter'. A very good friend of mine told me that I should warn you guys before ending, so here I am! Don't worry, the next chapter probably won't be the last chapter; there will be a couple more chapters, and there will possibly be an epilogue. I still haven't decided on how to end this story yet, because I like to write each chapter spontaneously, so none of these chapters are pre-written, with the exception of a few. Thus I'm keeping an open mind about the ending, and I'll decide when the time comes. Till then, please continue reading and reviewing if possible, and you're definitely welcome to give me suggestions on what the ending might be or suggesting new story ideas. I must say, I was quite thrilled when I received a PM from AgentStormOO7 suggesting a couple of story ideas, so here's a shout-out to you! Because of that, I'll be doing a one-shot dedicated to himher, so please expect that...probably by the end of the year. I shan't tell you what it's about yet, but I think I should let you guys know about it. Also, I might be re-starting The Tom-and-Kunit Chronicles. I deeply apologise for neglecting that story, with my busy schedule and all, but I'm working hard to bring you the next chapter. I've kinda had a writer's block for that story, but I promise I'll try my best to roll out a couple more chapters by the end of the year. I should probably stop typing this very long author's note as I've been going on for a while now...so see you!**

**Love,**

**Syd **


	14. Apology

**Hey guys! I'm really sorry (yup, you're all bored with all apologising, but it's only polite for me to do so) for not updating in weeks. The dreaded writer's block hit me again and I was, well, for the lack of a better word, blocked. I've written at least seven different versions of this chapter and chucked them all aside the next day. Puzzling over a chapter was getting rather strenuous on my noggin, so I left the computer, only to forget about the entire existence of fanfiction, and was only reminded of it after reading an epic saga on the world of Maple Story. In case you don't know what that is, it's a 2D MMORPG created to distract all primary school (or in some countries, middle school) students from jumping out of the window to see if they could fly (this is an actual composition/essay topic in my country, much to my horror a few years back). So, it may come as a surprise that I've been slogging my days away on that game (I think another apology's in order here). I did say that I was hoping to finish this story before the year ended, and since there's about a month left, I can definitely feel the sense of urgency. So before any of the below actually miraculously materialised in my head and subsequently on my phone, I was obliged to read every single one of my reviews so far to hopefully gather some inspiration, as well as to figuratively kick myself in the gut for ever thinking of deserting this story. I'm ashamed to admit that I did think about it, but it would be an absolute abomination on my part. I've spent so much time on this story, and I'm not going to throw it away. (Cue a simultaneous, collected sigh of relief from all my wonderful readers.) I must say, my earliest chapters left me more than a little horrified. I knew this plot had tremendous potential, but I wasn't exactly stretching it to the limit. There are so many things that need changing and editing, but after I'm done, the story would be hard to recognise, so I'm just going to try to make up for it by working with whatever I have left. And yes, my critics, I can see where you're coming from. I've neglected to do some research (as seen with the complications of the idea that Alex blacked out immediately after slashing himself, which is pretty improbable) and the inconsistencies in Alex's behaviour. I might get around to edit the irregularities, but not after I finish this story. (I'm not sure if suicide-induced comas are possible, but I'm just going to stick with yes.) As this story nears its end, I'd like to thank you for sticking with me throughout the course of this story, and providing me with small encouragements, praises and criticisms that never failed to lighten my day, or strike me with epiphanies. I won't make any promises about the end, but I do want to ask you to decide if I should let Alex live, or kill him off. After reading this chapter, you may decide, and leave your response in the form of a review. It's suicide (Heh, see what I did there? No? Oh well) to ask readers how they want the story to turn out, but hey, I'm doing this for you, so I might as well ask for a little audience participation. There, my little soliloquy's done, so on with the story!**

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><p><strong>Chapter Fourteen <strong>

_He was tired of being independent and alone. He had dwelled on the past, and didn't look towards the future, when he could have found new people to care about, new people to fight for, and could have been with the old ones who never left his side._

_And so, for the first time in his life, he regretted killing himself._

* * *

><p>Wolf never thought that someday, he would be sitting by Cub's hospital bed, praying for everything to be alright. It was shocking, to say the least. The great leader of K Unit, who had once hated Cub with every fibre of his being, was now regretting (almost) every single mean act that he had done to the latter. Cub didn't deserve it. With Cub unconscious on the bed, his secrets were out. A blatant disrespect of Cub's privacy, but then again...what privacy did Cub have? Based on what he had heard, Cub was stripped down of every ounce of dignity and pride left. He was not even able to shower without a faceless female agent staring at him. This confession from Mrs Jones to K-unit and Ben had sent all of them reeling. It was no wonder that Alex had increased his efforts in attempting suicide. Then again, it was of utmost importance that Alex did not kill himself.<p>

"At what cost?" he muttered to himself, gazing at Alex's peaceful face. "Wake up, Cub. You still haven't finished the wilderness exercise. Because of you, it's being postponed."

He felt pretty ridiculous, but soldiered on anyway, determined to wake him up. "The rest of the units are pissed off. They haven't been told about this yet, but they are sure as hell going to ask for an answer when we get back," he said, in his old blunt and vulgar style that everyone had heard too often. The '_if _we get back' went unspoken, but Wolf knew that it was a likely possibility. Cub did not stir.

They were all really relieved when the doctor said that Cub was alive. It was a miracle, really. Very few people survived fatal shots at point-blank. It had to be Cub's doing, but then why did he do it if he was so bent on dying? It was really confusing. The whole unit was at the hospital, but Wolf didn't know where they went (frankly, all he cared right now was that Cub woke up, for some strange reason). Ben was nowhere to be found, that bastard. It was all his fault that a kid committed suicide in front of him. He grudgingly admitted that the kid was good, and that it wasn't his fault that he was forced into service and subsequently into the camp to train. He was an innocent teenager under all that spy nonsense, and he felt ashamed. Wasn't he one of the reasons why he joined the SAS? He joined to protect the women and children of his country, after all.

"Damn it, Cub, why the hell did you have to kill yourself?" Wolf raised his voice, glaring at the body. "Suicide is a show of cowardice, and you aren't a coward!"

"Wolf," a calm voice resonated throughout the room. "I'd advise you not to resort to any drastic actions while you're in here."

"Snake," Wolf nodded. He hadn't even heard the door open.

"Suicide is not a show of cowardice," Snake said softly, glancing at Cub with undisguised sadness. "It has never been."

"What makes you say that?" Wolf ground out. "They choose death over facing their own problems. What's so courageous about that?"

"You need courage and determination to take a life, especially your own. Would you dare to fling yourself off a twenty-storey building with nothing but the clothes on your person and a wish for everything to end? Or what about a gun to your head, or a knife in your heart? Would you dare do that?"

There was a deathly silence. "Since when did you become so philosophical?" was Wolf's final utterance before descending into his brooding mode again. Snake sighed, but he knew that he had gotten his message through. Cub was brave, and he didn't want him to be misunderstood even further. He just hoped that Cub could hear them.

"Don't do anything stupid," Snake said, before walking out.

"Where're you going?"

"The Sergeant wants to know about Cub's situation. Unless you'd like to speak with him, I have to go."

"No thanks," Wolf muttered, "not now. Where's Eagle and Cheetah?"

"Outside. They figured that you'd need some alone time. To apologise," Snake added, as an afterthought. Wolf scowled and shooed him away, but deep down, he knew Snake and the rest were right. An apology was long overdue.

* * *

><p>Alex heard every word of Wolf's monologue. The sadness, anger and regret that was poured into the half-an-hour long speech after Snake left was moving. Alex felt the inexplicable urge to get up and tell Wolf that he was fine, that he had forgiven him, and that he need not have to go soft on him just because he was comatose. (He was glad that Wolf apologised, though, and it wasn't just because he wanted the honour of being one of the only people on Earth whom Wolf had apologised to.) Sadly, he could not. It was shocking that Wolf had actually sounded genuine in his apology. Alex had never knew that this side of Wolf existed. It was heartwarming to know that under all that toughness, Wolf was actually a great person.<p>

His thoughts shifted to himself again. He certainly had the luck of the devil, being able to survive after so many attempts, and once again, he was grateful for it. However, having cheated death yet again, being comatose wasn't exactly a very good position for him to be in. Fate seemed to love taunting him, he thought, laughing bitterly in his head. Allowing him to live, yet sending all those that he cared for to their graves, never to return. And now, when he truly realised his mistake, it seemed that he could never return to the world of the living. It was like he was trapped between life and death. He could hear what people were saying, and yet he could not see them, much less respond to them. He wanted to slam his fist into something, to release all his pent-up emotions, but his limbs just lay lifeless, a part of him, yet refusing to obey.

It was torture.

* * *

><p>A lone figure sat on a stool facing the bar, his hair a messy mop and his clothes rumpled. The bartender eyed him warily. He recognised him as the one in his usual group of four, sometimes five, who liked to patronise the bar. What was his name? Derek? Dan? Daniels. Yes. He was usually the sensible one among the group, and always the designated driver. He overheard once that he didn't like drinking, for some reason. And yet, here he was now, drunk as hell, hand swiping the air wildly, trying to feel for his half-filled sixth bottle of beer. The bartender knew that he was in no position to meddle, and that Daniels was generating money for him, but he could not help but feel sorry for the man. He vaguely remembered him sitting at the exact same spot drinking the day before too.<p>

"Drinking, huh?" another man came up, grabbing the bottle that Daniels was reaching out for. Deciding that Daniels was going to be saved from himself after all, the bartender moved away.

"Give the goddamned bottle back," Ben swore at the newcomer, lunging for it, but it was held high above his reach. He recognised the voice vaguely as someone from his ex-unit.

"No can do."

Ah. Eagle. He should've known.

"Why are you here anyway?" Ben slurred, slumping against the bar.

"Cheetah told me to get out of the hospital for my disruptive behaviour," Eagle whined. Ben could have sworn that he saw a pout on his face. Even in his drunken stupor, he was still pretty observant.

"Eagle? Are you pouting?"

"Huh? What?"

"You heard me," Ben said, rolling his eyes. His mind was in a haze as he tried to get his bearings.

"So...have you forgotten your actual purpose of finding me?" Ben asked Eagle, sounding almost lazy.

"No, I haven't. I might act like a child at times"-at this, Ben had snorted, but Eagle continued anyway- "but this is serious. You are not going to drink your ass off while the rest of us are at the hospital worrying about Alex. Wolf's gone completely-"

_Smack_.

"Don't you ever dare think for a second that I don't care about Alex," Ben snarled. Eagle looked at Ben with a look that could only be described as sadness. Of course Eagle knew Ben cared about Alex; he just needed a wake-up call.

"Since when did you people care about Alex anyway?" Ben's words were harsh, grating against Eagle's ears.

"Okay, so we didn't start out on the right foot," Eagle winced, "but we know that we've been real bastards to the lad. And after Jones told us about him...hell, even Brecon Beacons feels like a holiday resort."

Ben nodded solemnly. He probably understood Alex better than anyone else, being an agent and all, but even he had not gone through what Alex had. Sure, he had gone on more missions than Alex (Alex was never used again after he went suicidal, apparently), but the missions he went on were more sane, in a sense.

Sliding off the bar stool, he nodded towards Eagle, who was patiently waiting for some form of reaction. "You're...you're right. I shouldn't be drinking while the rest of you are at the hospital. It's not right. Alex would've been disappointed." Guilt gnawed at his heart. He hasn't even had a chance to formally apologise.

Eagle grinned, clapping Ben on the back.

"Alright then! Now that that's out of the way, let's go back to your place to freshen up. You look like a dump. And like I was trying to say, Wolf's gone emotional all over that poor boy. We stuck out ears to the door...yeah, let me just say that we were in for quite a surprise. Wolf sounded like Alex had already died."

That drew a smile out of Ben. "Really? That doesn't sound like our heartless leader." He stumbled for a moment, but Eagle had caught him before he kissed the ground.

A hearty laugh. "Guess he found his heart back, huh?"

"Yeah...I guess he did."

There was a pregnant pause as Eagle led Ben to the car. Closing the car door for Ben and getting into the driver's seat, Eagle spun around and asked Ben with a straight face, "You think Wolf's gone soft enough to allow me near his sugar stash?"

* * *

><p>After spending a couple of hours resting and freshening up, Eagle deemed Ben okay to visit Alex. Ben was grateful that he was a heavyweight, and thus didn't feel as drunk as one normally would feel after six bottles of beer. He would have a huge hangover the next day, but he didn't care. Alex was his top priority.<p>

"Stop fidgeting, Ben. I can't concentrate if you keep doing that. It's distracting."

"Sorry...it's just that, I haven't actually seen him yet."

Eagle raised an eyebrow as he made a right turn. "And here I was thinking that you would be the first one to."

Ben sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. "I didn't know how I would react if I saw him unconscious on the hospital bed. I didn't think I could handle it."

"So, you headed straight for the bar?"

"Yeah."

There was a tense silence before Ben spoke again.

"How did K-unit escape Beacons anyway?"

Eagle's original frown turned upside down. "You know...a little acting here, a little glaring there," he said airily, waving a hand. Ben grinned. "Of course."

"Well, even if we didn't, we could've gotten out anyway. The Sergeant was pretty keen on us leaving. Probably because he himself wants to know about Alex. Snake's been reporting to him."

"Snake? What about Wolf?"

"You know how he is...every time one of us gets hospitalised, he never leaves the hospital room."

"Really? I never knew."

"Because you're the one who's always hospitalised. I swear to god, sometimes you're more reckless than Wolf."

Eagle only got a cheeky grin in return.

* * *

><p>In his hazy mind, Alex vaguely heard the door creak open. Curious, he strained to listen to his visitor. Earlier, Cheetah had physically forced Wolf out of the room, judging from the sounds of the little scuffle he had heard. Wolf had muttered, "I'll be back, kid." Was that Wolf?<p>

No. The footsteps were much lighter; he could barely hear them. The floor of the room was wood, so it was easy to tell what kind of shoes his visitors were wearing. The footsteps definitely belonged to a spy. Footsteps this light belonging to any other person would be unusual. Mrs Jones' heels clicked on the floor, while the sound that he heard was a dull, tapping sound. He heard shuffling next. It was like his mystery visitor was nervous, but whatever for? Who was he?

"Um...hello Alex."

Alex's breath hitched for a second. No...he couldn't be here. He just couldn't.

"I'm not sure if you can hear me, but I think it's better if I speak to you like this."

I want Wolf back I want Wolf back-I can't believe I'm saying this- I want Wolf back...

"After all, if you regained consciousness, you'll probably refuse to listen to me, so..."

Shut up shut up shut up!

"If you haven't already noticed, I'm Ben, and uh...I came to apologise."

Alex felt like screaming. Ben was here! Ben deserted him! No! No! No!

"Look, Alex, I'm sorry. I'm really really sorry. What you said out there, in the forest? You were right. I...I shouldn't have deserted you."

Alex felt oddly calm at that, but he was still cautious. What was Ben trying to get at?

"I know how much I've hurt you. I was the only one you could trust, but I made an empty promise and left when you needed me the most. I hate myself for that...you have to believe me, Alex."

_I...I believe you._

"I'm not asking you to forgive me. I just wanted to clear things up. I hope you get better," Ben said firmly. Alex felt something wet make contact with his skin. A tear?

A couple of rustling sounds signalled the end of Ben's speech. Alex wanted to say something, to tell Ben that he was forgiven, and that he was sorry too.

He couldn't.

* * *

><p>Cheetah stared at the bed, or more specifically, its occupant. Cub-he still preferred calling him that- was still in a coma. It had been six days since the incident at Beacons. K-unit had been given indefinite leave until Alex woke up. Such things were rare in the SAS-usually they were given a specified leave period. He suspected ulterior motives, but then again it was all speculation. Throughout the six days, he and Eagle had been in the hospital for four days, Ben five, while Snake and Wolf had been there every day. They had decided on shifts, and it was his turn now. The rest were downstairs having lunch, including Ben. Even though Ben was not in the unit anymore, he was still considered a part of their family, just like Alex (which Wolf had grudgingly admitted on his own accord, surprising everyone.) K-unit didn't just have four members-they had six; two of them were just inactive. They were a close-knit community of battle (and mission) hardened soldiers and spies, and would always stick together. He was proud to belong.<p>

"C'mon Cub," he murmured, pushing a few strands of hair away from Alex's face in a rare gesture of fatherly affection. "You've got to wake up. Not that I'm complaining about the indefinite leave thing, but if I had to choose between rest and you, I'd choose you." There was no hesitation; just plain honesty.

"We're family, after all."

* * *

><p>"So...the weather's been good," Eagle said between mouthfuls, receiving three stony glares in return.<p>

"What?"

"We have better things to worry about than the weather," Snake uncharacteristically snapped.

"Like what?"

"Like Cub!" Wolf growled.

Eagle smacked his forehead. "Look...worrying about Cub isn't going to wake him up. Stopping things that we normally do isn't going to help him at all. Why don't you three just calm down?"

Ben took a deep breath and restrained himself from socking Eagle in the eye. "It's unfair if we go on with our normal lives and not care about Alex."

"But-"

"Just shut up and eat your lunch. Cheetah's waiting," Wolf snapped. The rest of them nodded and continued their lunch in uncomfortable silence.

* * *

><p>Smithers glared at the contraption in his hands. He had just received the news of Alex's situation. He never even knew about his suicidal tendencies-he just thought that the reason for Alex being missing from the Bank was that he had finally been from their grasp, but it was not the case.<p>

He had been informed by Mrs Jones herself. In a rare gesture of concern, she had notified him as she knew that Alex liked Smithers and his gadgets, and knew that the feeling was reciprocated.

It was rare for Smithers to feel angry, much less furious, but right now it was as if Mrs Jones had personally assassinated his entire family. The jovial man gripped his prototype tightly. It was a microchip that could download gigabytes in nanoseconds, and was to be installed in a bow tie for a mission to China, where a supercomputer with information on an organisation that produced counterfeit money resided. The organisation supposedly had contacts around the world, as well as a few moles in secret service organisations, thus requiring the investigation.

Hurriedly, he finished the design, and gave it to one of his subordinates to install in the tie. Mrs Jones had given him permission to visit Alex (it was a miracle that she herself had suggested it), and so he was on his way to the hospital. He had a gadget in his right pocket, a secret project that he had been working on for Alex.

He hoped it worked.

* * *

><p>Taking a taxi to the hospital (he couldn't be bothered with MI6-issued vehicles), he paid the driver and walked up the steps, excitement and anticipation flowing through his veins. He had never formally been on a mission before, being only the genius behind the gadgets that had saved agents time and again. Without him, agents wouldn't survive, or be able to contact MI6 in any way. Thus, it was vital that he was not put in any life-threatening situations, and so his chances of going on a mission was zero, so this was as good as any. Granted, he was doing this on his own accord, but who cared about the nitty gritty details? As long as Alex woke up, nobody would question him.<p>

He found the hospital room, and looked in. Visiting hours were ending, but to his dismay, there were two men in there with Alex. At first he thought that they were there to attack him, but the men just sat around him. Sharp-eyed Smithers spotted something shiny around their necks. Using his glasses with built-in telescopes, he realised that they were SAS dog tags. Alex's old unit perhaps? He never realised that they were close. Thankfully, his suit had a prototype camouflage function. He waited until the visiting hours ended, when the two men left. Switching to camouflage mode, he crept in silently. He wasn't totally invisible, but if he moved quick enough, one would think that it was a trick of the light.

As soon as Smithers laid his eyes on Alex, he somehow lost most of his adrenaline. To see the poor teenager lying, comatose, on the bed was heartbreaking. Walking slowly to the bed, as if afraid that he might wake Alex up (the irony!). It was horrible to think that he had indirectly contributed to this. He might have kept him alive, but just barely.

Filled with new resolve to make amends, he slowly but surely drew out a contraption from his right pocket. It was a mess of wires and circuit boards, held together by tape, insulators and pieces of plastic. Messy, but then again, all prototypes looked like that before they were nicely packaged. Not being a very neat person, and with Alex's consciousness at stake, Smithers didn't bother to tidy it up. Carefully, he attached two wires to either side of Alex's head. His finger hovered above the switch.

"Here goes nothing."

The contraption was turned on, and Smithers prayed for a miracle.

* * *

><p><strong>So...did you like it? Sorry if my beginning author's note was a little snarky, but I was in a pretty foul mood when starting off (possibly due to the frustration of the writer's block.) Thankfully, this chapter's been written, and I hope you guys will review and tell me what you think! Sorry if the chapter's a little short, and if it comes across as a bit rushed. I wrote this on the plane to China on my phone (I'm currently in the hotel), and I only had two hours to. (The rest was spent sleeping, considering that it was a midnight flight.) <strong>

**Till next time,**

**Syd **

**(P.S. You don't have to worry about me forgetting about the entire existence of fanfiction again. Chapter Fifteen's almost done. Hurrah!) **

**(P.P.S. Another important thing. This chapter is most likely going to be the second last chapter of this story, so brace yourselves for the ending!) **


	15. The End

**And I'm back! Woohoo! I'm in a great mood today, because my damn writer's block has finally been bulldozed over and I, a newly freed author, has finally figured out how to finish this story. Oh my god, the feeling's fabulous. And also, Lady Cougar-Trombone kindly pointed out to me that Smithers isn't exactly fat. To be honest, I had completely forgotten about that fact...sorry. That'll be changed in a rewrite (I've written down what's to be changed and added, so if you find anymore weird stuff that shouldn't be in here, don't hesitate to say it!). Anyway, on with the story! **

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Fifteen<strong>

_"Here goes nothing."_

_The contraption was turned on, and Smithers prayed for a miracle._

* * *

><p>The contraption was an outright failure. Smithers had failed before, but he had never experienced this amount of sadness and anger in his whole life. In simplified terms, the contraption targeted one's nervous system, and was designed to give a controlled electric shock to the patient, promptly waking him or her up from a coma...or so he thought. It obviously needed work. He wasn't expecting or even hoping for an immediate awakening, but Alex should at least have moved, or his body convulse from the shock.<p>

He had continued lying there as if nothing had happened. Two hours later, Alex was still seemingly unaffected, and Smithers returned to the Bank with an exceptionally heavy heart. He vowed he would work out the kinks, but when he returned to his workshop, all he wanted to do was to curl up on his chair and stare at the wall. Tossing the contraption aside and feeling thankful that he was the only one in the workshop, he fell into his chair and did just that. He was beyond angry: he had spent so much time and effort working on that useless piece of junk. It couldn't even wake someone up. Smithers thought of Alex and what he had gone through, and felt even more helpless. What could he do besides making gadgets? He should've known it wouldn't work, then he wouldn't feel as crushed as he did now. He really thought that it could make a difference, and foolishly clung on to that hope. Dismally, he eyed the innocuous-looking mess of wires and sighed. He had always thought that the boy was special, but hadn't known that he would become this attached. Grabbing his coat, he left for home.

The next day, he went back to the hospital. Alex was still unconscious. Smither's disappointment, which had faded a little overnight, came back with full force. His slightly pudgy (courtesy of the fat suit that he was wearing) yet nimble hand grasped a calloused one- one that didn't belong on a teenager, he thought absentmindedly. "Please, Alex. Wake up. Come back to us." As expected, Alex did not respond. Lingering for a few more minutes more, Smithers left an apple he had brought along on the sidetable and left for work, his heart not in it, yet knowing that he had no choice. He usually enjoyed cooking up original ways to fit life-saving gadgets in everyday objects, but now that this happened, how did anyone expect him to concentrate? Staring at the new file placed on his table for another batch of gadgets, his heart deflated, and all his hope was lost among the cold details of the next suicide mission.

However, little did he know that there had been a reaction. It wasn't a total failure. Alex's spine had tingled, and he could feel the shock running through him. He was waking up.

It just took time.

And this was why when Wolf stumbled into the room the next day at seven in the morning, rubbing his sleep-deprived eyes, and realising that Alex was putting a head to his head, groaning about a splitting headache.

He screamed.

* * *

><p>Snake shot out of bed, staring at his phone in shock, before yanking it to his ear again.<p>

"What the hell did you just say?"

"Cub's fucking awake!" Wolf shouted down the phone.

"Hi... Snake," he heard a weak but familiar voice call out.

"Oh my god," Snake breathed, "How? I...you know what? Never mind. I'm coming."

"Call Eagle and Cheetah, will you? I'm calling Fox."

"Alright. Don't you call Jones yet. Alex needs some time away from his _occupation _before that woman barges in."

"Do you think I'm that dense?"

Snake distinctly heard a very teenager-like 'yes', and a light smack afterwards. He couldn't stop smiling.

"So he's alright then?"

"Yeah. The doctors have already left, and they've said that Alex can rest for one more night before discharging the next morning. It's a bloody miracle."

"Of course it is...I can't believe it. See you."

Killing the call, Snake hastily set his mobile to speakerphone and called Eagle while pulling a shirt over his head.

"Mmfh?" Eagle answered intelligently. Snake rolled his eyes.

"Wolf just called. Cub's awake."

There was a loud crash as Eagle fell to the floor, presumably from his bed.

"What the hell did you just say?"

* * *

><p>"Wolf?"<p>

"Yeah?"

"You're calling Ben, aren't you?"

Wolf raised an eyebrow at the newly-awakened teenager lying on the bed. "Yes. Why, you don't want to see him?"

Alex shot him a look, and Wolf had the decency to look slightly sheepish.

"Ah. Right." Wolf made a move to cancel the call, but Alex stopped him.

"It's alright. I'm just...apprehensive, if you know what I mean."

Wolf nodded, ruffling Alex's hair (he would later insist that it was _not _a gesture of affection), much to his annoyance. "I know, but you've got to face him sometime."

"Yeah."

"Don't you dare pull that kind of stunt again, you hear me? You try to kill yourself again, and I'll leave the body out on the street to be run over," Wolf threatened. Alex merely raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah...that's pretty useless, but it'll make me feel better. Whatever, you get the message."

Alex nodded. "I'm sorry."

Wolf stared at him, rare emotion showing in his eyes. "You know, Cub, I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm sorry too. You know, for all the times I've treated you badly. You...don't deserve it." Wolf looked away. "This is the only time I'm apologising to you, though," he said gruffly.

Alex grinned. "Really? I distinctly remember you assaulting my ears with 'I'm sorry' for half an hour a few days ago."

"What?"

"You know...when I was in a coma."

Wolf froze, and flushed. He hasn't expected Alex to hear it. There were a couple of things that he wished he hadn't said.

"Really?"

"Yeah," Alex grinned wickedly, "I never knew you were a softie."

"Shut up."

Their conversation was cut off when Ben answered the phone. Alex strained to hear Ben's reaction when Wolf informed him that Alex had woken up, but since Ben didn't have a violent reaction (not one that Alex could hear anyway) he couldn't make out anything. When Wolf ended the call, Alex pounced.

"What did he say?"

"That he's coming right away."

Alex frowned. "Will you be here when he comes?"

Wolf shrugged. "If Fox wants some privacy, I'm getting out."

Alex had no time to reply when Eagle barrelled through the door, nearly knocking it down, while Snake and Cheetah slowly but anxiously walked in.

"Bloody hell, welcome to the world of the living, Cubby!" a dishevelled-looking Eagle yelled, drawing out a couple of curious nurses and a few disapproving looks. He looked like a crazed madman, laughing heartily at the sight of Alex awake, with his hair sticking out in all directions. _Did he even bother combing his hair? _Launching himself at Alex, Eagle suffocated him with a bone-crushing hug.

"Eagle! Get off me!" Alex yelled, "Sheesh, you'd think we've never seen each other for half a century."

As Eagle sheepishly got off him, Snake approached the bed. "It's nice to see you awake, Cub. You alright?"

"Yeah. Thanks."

"Don't you do that ever again."

"I won't. I'm sorry."

Snake nodded, satisfied, making way for Cheetah.

"Cub, good to see you're okay. Like Snake said, don't do it again. Please. Everyone cares for you, you know that, right?"

Alex smiled. Cheetah had been opening up to Alex, and had promised him that he would tell him why he was so introverted if he woke up.

"You owe me the explanation," Alex said, cocking his head. Cheetah nodded. He knew that it was possible for coma patients to be able to hear what people were saying.

"Where's Fox?" Cheetah asked, leaning against a wall, content to just look at Alex and make sure that he didn't collapse again. Snake frantically returned to the bed in a true mother-hen fashion and checked Alex all over. He narrowed his eyes at the scars on Alex's body, but Alex just shrugged his shoulders.

"On his way."

As if on cue, Ben barged into the room, looking frazzled. Alex winced at his appearance. He looked like he hasn't slept for months. Dark circles around his eyes made him look like a panda with a severe sleeping disorder. His clothes were rumpled- did he even bother changing?- and he looked like he had been drinking a few days ago. Drinking? That was so unlike Ben. Guiltily, Alex faced him. Ben's eyes looked back at him with emotion. Wolf quietly directed everyone out, leaving Alex on the bed and Ben behind the door. Slowly, Ben approached the bed.

"Um...hi Alex. How are you feeling?"

"Fine," Alex said cautiously, gripping the sheets. Ben noticed it, and hesitated before sitting beside the bed.

"When did you wake up?"

"A few hours ago."

"Oh." The conversation stopped, followed by a tense silence. It was broken a few minutes later.

"I'm sorry," both said in unison. Ben's eyes widened.

"What?"

"I'm sorry," Alex repeated, tugging at his shirt.

"Alex..."

"I know you didn't mean to do it...it just hurts, you know? It was like no one cared."

Ben shifted uncomfortably, unable to formulate a reply. Alex held his head in his hands.

"I did some thinking. When I was in a coma, I was conscious. At least, I was able to have some alone time to reflect, you know? I realised that I've been wrong all along. I remembered you crying in the forest...and I felt really guilty. You really do care about me, and I shouldn't have done that. I'm sorry." Alex finished, a weak smile on his face. "And...I heard your apology when I was unconscious, too."

"I _do _care about you," Ben affirmed, grinning as well, "and so does K-unit. And the Sergeant. Heck, even Jones cares about you."

Alex's smile grew a little wider, but frowned as he stared at his chest. He had two bullet wounds now, both not too far apart from each other. That thought made him sick, but then again, he was happy to be alive.

"You know, when I was shooting myself, my arm jerked suddenly. I don't know why, but it just made the bullet veer in a slightly different direction. That saved me from dying. I think the shock, pain and trauma was what caused the coma, but I'm sort of glad it happened."

"Why?"

"Because, if I didn't fall into a coma, I wouldn't have realised my mistakes, and you'd probably never have the guts to apologise to me," Alex said with a smirk. Ben rolled his eyes.

"Probably."

Ben sensed a slight hesitation in Alex before he asked the next question. "So...we're okay now?"

He raised an eyebrow. "Seriously, Alex? Of course. I'm not going to go back on my promise this time, Alex. I might still have to go on missions, but you'll have people who care about you around when I'm gone, too."

"Like who? K-unit will have to return to camp, and I doubt I'll be going back there."

"How about your best friend? Tom, was it?"

Silence. "We...sort of lost touch when I pushed him away." His voice was filled with sadness and regret, and he swore he heard it crack. Ben's eyes softened as he reached out to hug him. "It'll work out, Alex. Trust me."

To Ben's shock, Alex had started sobbing in his arms.

Ben patted Alex's head affectionately, rubbing circles on his back in an effort to calm him down. Alex sniffled, visibly embarrassed. Ben chuckled, refusing to let go as Alex's arms snaked around him.

"It's okay, Alex," Ben whispered, "everything's alright now."

* * *

><p><strong>And...that's the end folks! Clichéd ending and a little rushed (okay maybe very rushed), but I think it's pretty okay. I'm so relieved and sad that the story's over. I mean, it's been an amazing journey from start to end: trying to add originality and flavour as well as retaining the usual stuff that people want is no easy feat, and I tred to give it my all. I'm sorry if you don't like this story, and I'm sorry if Alex isn't as perfect as you might want him to be, but he's only human. He might have amazing skills honed from young, but giving him perfection is just too much for me, you know? That's why I sort-of destroyed his emotional stability. I like to write original things [I like Alex-goes-to-Beacons-with-or-without-his-classmates and all that as much as the next Alex Rider fan(fiction reader), but variety is the spice of life], and so I hope you guys enjoyed my version of Alex. I'm sorry if I didn't use all of your suggestions. They were great, but I couldn't fit everything. I <strong>_**will**_** write an epilogue if you guys request for it though. **

**You have no idea how tempted I was to add some Alex/Wolf stuff into the story, but that would be highly inappropriate for this. I mean, romance shouldn't clutter the real essence of the story, although I might uh, do a couple of related one-shots. Pairings are welcome. Just don't ask me to bring back anyone from the dead, okay? I'm no necromancer. Unless you ask for a memory from the past, of course. Which means pre-Stormbreaker or during the series. One shots on Alex and Tom, perhaps? The one that AgentStormOO7 has been written (yay!) and I will be uploading it soon, so please watch out for that. **

**Anyway, thanks for sticking with me, and I hope that you'll review and tell me what you think! Also, like I said earlier, I'm in the process of rewriting this story! No, the plot's not changing; I'm just going to make it more consistent and smooth.**

**I have no idea if I'm going to be writing new stories, but if I ever get hit by an amazing idea, I'll write it down and see if I have the time. It's been a pleasure writing for you, and I hope that you've haven't seen the last of me yet. Writing AR fics is a joy. **

**Love,**

**Syd **


	16. Epilogue

**Alright guys, so I've received mixed reviews for Chapter 15, and I don't blame you. Yes, I am well aware of the fact that there are quite a number of loose ends in this story, and that I shouldn't have left you guys hanging, so I'd better explain myself. Honestly, I wanted to clear them up in the epilogue (so you'll get some info below) but I'm not going to explain everything here. Where's the fun in that? I'm going to reveal the rest of the things slowly with little one-shots or short stories, because in my opinion, having the big reveal with all my cards laid out on the table in a big fancy epilogue isn't a great idea either, if you get what I mean. It practically gives me no room for further development in the form of related stories. I promise everything will be revealed eventually, but not now. So...please don't kill me? The loose ends, if I've identified properly, are:**

**-If Alex realises that Smithers had a hand in all this, as well as his reaction to Alex being awake, and figuring out that his contraption wasn't actually a failure.**

**-The reason for Cheetah's introverted-ness.**

**-The situation between Tom and Alex.**

**-Mrs Jones' reaction.**

**Two of the above will be settled here, but as for the other two...I'm leaving them unresolved for other nefarious-I mean, mysterious- purposes.**

**It's not that I'm irritated at the negative reviews...I'm glad, actually. It's nice to receive negative feedback once in a while to figuratively give an author a kick in the gut and make them listen. So yeah. I'm sorry; I should've told you this in the previous chapter. I was probably caught up in the post-story bliss...wait what?**

**With that said, I hope you enjoy the epilogue, and have a nice day! Please review, too, and watch out for one-shots. Thanks!**

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><p>Alex hesitated, standing outside the door, hand poised to knock. The door was just as he had remembered: a huge oak barrier between him and the room's occupant. A saviour from many a meeting. There was a time when he had conversed with Mrs Jones through the door. Imagining her pressed against the door, straining to hear what he had said used to be amusing to him, but right now he just felt ashamed of himself. Mrs Jones might have had a hand in changing his life for the worst, but she had also gotten out of her way to help him after the Pleasures had died, but yet he always replied her with emotionless and sometimes demeaning witticisms. He was glad that Ben was not with him now, so that he would not see his hesitation. He had initially insisted on accompanying Alex, but his Syria mission report was due (he had to keep his word to Mrs Jones). He had reluctantly left Alex's side and headed to his office, where he was probably too tense and anxious to type anyway. Guilt gnawed away at his heart, and he took a deep breath before he knocked, almost afraid of the reply.<p>

"Come in," Mrs Jones answered. She was still authoritative, but anyone could pick up the underlying fatigue and defeat in her voice. She had been more affected by his actions than he thought. Resisting the urge to turn tail and escape, he turned the doorknob slowly and pushed the door open.

Tired eyes widened as they took the boy in.

"...Alex?"

"Mrs Jones," Alex replied, trying to sound cordial. Mrs Jones looked ready to fling herself at him and deliver a bone-crushing hug, but she managed to rein in her emotions.

"You're...your're awake!"

A few weeks earlier, he would have replied with a 'Thanks for the observation, Captain Obvious', but right now he was just relieved that the initial shock was wearing off.

"Yeah...I'm awake."

"I-I trust that you're feeling better?"

"Yes."

"Look, Alex, I-"

"Mrs Jones," he said firmly, interrupting her. "Hear me out first. I came to apologise."

Her eyes widened a second time. First, Alex miraculously materialised at her door, calling her 'Mrs Jones' instead of the usual 'Jones', and now he was apologising?

"I've been doing some thinking, and I've learnt from my mistakes," he said in a rather clichéd fashion, words rapidly tumbling out in a jumble, "I guess sending me to Beacons wasn't such a bad idea after all."

"So you're saying that you're not suicidal anymore?" She didn't bother to disguise her shock.

"Yes. Now, if you'd excuse me, I'd like to see Smithers," Alex replied, giving her a weak smile. Now, Alex Rider was _smiling_. She nodded blankly, staring at him in pure disbelief.

"I'll give you a full report and the doctor's letter, if you want. To, you know, explain how I survived," Alex bit his lip in deep thought. He slightly impatiently waited for Mrs Jones to dismiss him. He was desperate to escape. Somehow, the room felt suffocating, and he needed out.

When she was told that Alex shot himself, she was overwhelmed with so much emotion. She remember the time when her children died, and re-experienced the grief she had felt. Alex was like a son to her, both literally and figuratively, since she was in charge of his well-being. When it was reported that Alex had survived, and was in a coma, she'd expressed both relief and worry. She visited him once or twice, and had expressed her regret, albeit more mildly than the soldiers that never left his side. She was rather surprised at their newfound affection for the teenager, but was nonetheless happy that Alex had more people caring for him. She dismissed Alex, still in shock, and could only watch blankly as the boy shot out of the door, relieved that it was over.

Once Alex left, she snatched up two peppermints at once and popped them in her mouth. This surprise visit from him had unveiled many shocking revelations, but they were welcome all the same. Her lips curled into a warm smile as she fully realised that her plan had worked better than she originally hoped. Alex Rider was back.

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><p>"Um, Smithers?" Alex called out, staring at the bulbous figure of the gadget-making genius hunched over a few blueprints and tinkering with something that looked suspiciously like a toothpick holder. He had rushed here as quick as he possibly could, determined to put some distance between himself and the office. Besides, he needed to meet up with an old friend. Who might or might not have helped him awaken from his coma.<p>

The figure froze, as the screwdriver dropped from his hands. Alex started to feel anxious as Smithers didn't move for what seemed like a whole minute. Slowly, he turned around, and Alex could see the many different emotions in his eyes, but the most prominent ones were anxiousness, regret and hope. His eyes were still visible behind his goggles, and Alex saw them widen.

"Alex! Alex! Alex m'boy, you're awake!" Smithers cried, dropping the gadget-in-progress and bounding over to the teen to hug him. Alex found himself laughing along with the man, although he was pretty uncomfortable being squashed with the man's fat suit, when he was actually a very fit person.

"Yes, Smithers. I have a sneaking suspicion that you were behind it though," Alex raised an eyebrow. Smithers released him to get a better look, making sure that he was really Alex. "In the hospital...I heard you come in. You have a very unique way of walking, do you know that? Anyway, I heard you, and soon after I felt an electric shock. It ran up my spine, and it was dreadful not being able to react to it."

"You did?" Smithers' eyes were as wide as saucers, "but you didn't wake up! Your body didn't jolt!"

"I know... I woke up two days later, which was yesterday."

Smithers fell into deep thought. "So," he said slowly, "you're saying that my gadget worked, but the effect wasn't immediate. You just needed time to fully regain consciousness?"

"Yeah...maybe the reaction was delayed. I'm not sure either."

Smithers smiled "Thank you, m'boy! That's wonderful news."

"I should be thanking _you_, Smithers. Anyway, I've got to go find Agent Daniels. See you around?"

"Definitely. Hopefully not when you're going on another mission."

Alex's face darkened. "I should hope not."

Smithers hastily corrected himself. "Of course not...sorry about that slip. Alright Alex, go on."

A huge grin was plastered on Smithers' face when Alex left, his heart considerably lighter as he went to find Ben. Neglecting the toothpick holder, Smithers ran to his office and picked up the contraption that most possibly was the reason why Alex woke up. This was a wonderful breakthrough! Thanking the stars, he set to work methodologically tearing it apart and making some changes, pen furiously scrawling all over his blueprints.

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><p>Alex easily found Ben. His swearing could be heard a corridor away. When he popped his head into his cubicle, he could hardly suppress a laugh at the sight of Ben all tangled up in reinforced metal wire, trying to reach for a pair of Smithers' special wire cutters located on the other end of his worktable. Ben turned around in his chair, glaring at the source of the laughter. His glare softened just a little bit when he realised who the laughter belonged to.<p>

"Hello Alex...how did it go?"

"Fine. Mrs Jones freaked out. She's probably still in shock," he grinned.

Ben chuckled as Alex helped him cut through the wires.

"How did you get tangled up in the wire anyway?"

"I was typing my report when I accidentally rested my elbow on the hidden button of Smither's mouse," Ben grumbled, gesturing angrily at the innocent-looking computer mouse lying next to the laptop. Alex burst into laughter again, but this time Ben didn't stop him. After all, he hadn't laughed in a long time, and it was nice to see him happy again. Hopefully it would last longer than the last time.

He was going to make sure of it.

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><p><strong>Yup, so <em>The Help<em>'s finished. _Fin. 完了。_Done. Rewrites have been posted (the first three chapters), so check them out if you have the time...not that there's much to see. Major changes come in later. **

**Also, I'm planning on posting the related one-shot I said I've written soon. This has one of the other loose ends tied up, so please read it when it's up! It's supposed to be posted on my birthday, (which is next week). Yup, I'm a December baby. A very late December baby. I was born after Christmas! **

**Aaaaaaanyway, I've decided to post on my regular day instead, so you'll just have to wait for a few days more. (It's partly because I'm kinda stuck on what to name the one-shot. Heh.) **

**So uh, please review, and have a nice day! :D**

**Love,**

**Syd**

**(P.S. **After reading this again, it doesn't really seem like an epilogue anymore. More like Chapter Sixteen. Oh well.)****


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